"Conversation should be pleasant without scurrility, witty without affectation, free without indecency, learned without conceitedness, novel without falsehood."
one day
Published on September 2, 2004 By Sally jacobs In Philosophy
I am going to die, one day whether it be today, tomorrow or sixty years down the line. I will die. This concept used to scare the hell out of me, I mean where do you go, what happens? Is that it, nothingness for eternity. I don't have religious beliefs. I don't believe in certain things, because the truth is, I don't really know. I don't know what will happen till I die. To believe I will return to earth in another capacity is just not possible. Because though it could possibley happen, I just think it's something to make me feel better. That it's a comforting hand on my shoulder, but I'm not filling myself with things that might not be true. Forget that. I'd rather face the harsh reality, that it is something i don't know, and face the fear that goes with that, and I have done. I've been scared with the thought of it, I have feared it, and now I have accepted it. I am not scared of death. I am not scared of dying. I know it's going to happen one day, and I accept it.

I am scared of losing people around me. Their deaths I haven't quite accepted just yet. I have only really dealt with the death of someone close to me once. My grandparents died when I was very young, so I didn't have to deal with that. When I was nine my cousin died. He was fourteen. Even at nine years old, I knew that was a huge waste of a life. He used to babysit me. I looked up to him quite a bit. He went to the beach with his Dad and brothers. It was the summer holidays. Someone had dug a big hole in the sand, and my cousin climbed in it, and dug some more. The hole started to collapse in on him, until it was impossible for him to get out. My uncle clawed at the sand with his hands. It was to late my cousin was dead. At his funeral the thing that was most upsetting looking back, was his school friends. He went to a catholic school, most of my family are pretty religious. They were all there in school uniform their whole lives in front of them, but that was it for him, over. Incredibley sad. My Uncle never dealt with the guilt, he disappeared. He died a few years later. He never returned to being the person he was before my cousin died. Upon finding out that my cousin was dead, his Mum, had a huge nervous breakdown. It took her a long time to recover. She did though, in her own way. She had another baby very soon after, and named him after my cousin. For some reason that always creeped me out. I was nine, so dealing with it wasn't really a huge thing. One day he was there, and one day he wasn't. I missed him at first, but life went on, for me at least.

I think now about how I would deal with the death of someone I loved. I don't honestly know, I don't think I would handle it very well. I'm not good at showing emotion at the best of times. How is it I can accept my death, but not the death of those I love? I would be angry they were taken away from me. Heartbroken at all the things I hadn't said to them. I'd cry where no one could see me. How do you cope when your world is built around someone, and then they are cruely taken away from you? My Auntie didn't really mourn my Uncle when he died. She'd done it along time before. His spirit died with my cousin. She knew where it was heading. Is it easier when you're prepared for it? So you don't have that shock? Or is it worse just waiting for it to happen. Feeling helpless, wishing you could do something to help. At least you can say all the things you want to. Make peace. I think about what would happen if my sister died. We don't speak anymore, and if she went, with me feeling like this towards her, the guilt would eat me up. Is that good enough reason to make peace with her, or is it just selfish? I say I don't want her in my life, but I like to have the choice. For her to be just taken away from me, would break my heart. Just like it would for anyone I loved.

At times like that I'm sure having beliefs really helps. As long as it doesn't make you question them, the beliefs should make you strong. Should give you reason and hope. I always think that, that religion must be such a strong attribute to have. Not for me, to take on religion like that would be like marrying a man I didn't love. Getting all the securities, but not giving myself fully to it, not fully trusting it. I would feel like I was cheating. Looking for an easy way out. Looking for some hope, but not really believing it. I couldn't do that. Maybe I shouldn't compare religion to a marriage. I just think it's something you give yourself totally too. Total commitment. I have great respect for people that do. That their beliefs are that strong. Mine aren't though. I believe in myself. I believe I have guidance. Of course. I just don't know what that is. Maybe one day I will find out. Who knows what will happen. I know we can't live our lives scared of death. Because it will catch us sooner or later. We just need to embrace it with no regrets.

Comments (Page 5)
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on Oct 10, 2004
Hi Crusaders and Andy (hopefully )

I'm so sorry to hear about your Nanna. At least she had a long life, and you had the chance to see that. Death is such a difficult thing to deal with, you always think about the things you should of done, rather than remembering the things you actually did do. If you want to talk about it, or anything I am more than willing to listen . When people die, I think their spirit lives on. In everyday life. They are still a apart of you. She is still apart of you.

You are more than right I am enjoying this conversation. I just like to think about it and give it the attention it deserves and I will keep returning to it. I'm sure Andy will return too. How can he resist us two lovely ladies, hehe. .

Take care hunny, and I will check back soon!
on Oct 11, 2004
Hi Sally and Crusader, how are you? I’m glad to see you’re still here. Sally, yes, I love your articles and read them when I can. I assumed I’d said enough and that you’d both had enough of this stuff though. Also I haven’t had much spare time and thought it might be the best thing to do.

Crusader, I’m sorry to hear about your Nanna. But you already know the answer to your question (where she might be). Your Nanna is alive and happy in Heaven. She’s exercising her new found freedom and zest, and relishing in the truth that we don’t die. Of course, deep down you already know this. All you need to do is search your heart, and you will find answers and a wisdom that will resonate with truth.

I just find it difficult to come to terms with the fact that she is gone forever


The only place she’s gone to forever is back Home. It’s good news, this life lark, you know. Understandably, when loved ones die, we need to give vent to our grief as naturally as possible for as long as it takes. But just remember that your Nanna is closer to you than you might know, she can see you and loves you always, and from her point of view, it will only be a blink of an eye before you can see her again and can give her a big proper hug.

When we were standing around her casket I just wanted to give her once last big hug like I would never let go .......but I didn't want to mess her hair and make up.....and well I could see that she was not there ...that is was a mere husk of who she had been and .........


Yes, it is just a husk, this earthly body of ours. She’s got a more beautiful and vibrant body now, mind. But it’s amazing to think that some people truly believe that these physical bodies are all we are. Bits of flesh and bone - inanimate matter - and nothing else. Your Nanna will no doubt find it most endearing that some of us don’t believe in the hereafter. But she also knows that it’s only because we’re not yet ready.

Death is such a difficult thing to deal with, you always think about the things you should of done, rather than remembering the things you actually did do.


That’s so true Sally. It’s only ourselves who cling onto those feelings of guilt, or who may worry about the ‘what ifs’ of life. For the person who has passed over, they simply see us through loving eyes, and become aware that any situation can be reconciled, that there are infinite opportunities ahead which can deepen and expand the bond between loved ones (regardless of what happened between them in the last life), and that life and love continue forever.

If you want to talk about it, or anything I am more than willing to listen


Too right Sally. To express grief in words - writing or talking - is often a good way to release it. We'll be here for you whatever Crusader.

Andy will return too. How can he resist us two lovely ladies, hehe


You’re right Sally. It’s the third time I’ve tried to spring away, only to be pulled back in. But it shows what warm hearts do to me.

Anyway, it’s good to chat with you again. I hope you have a good week. I’ll catch you soon,

Andy x
on Oct 11, 2004
I assumed I’d said enough and that you’d both had enough of this stuff though


Hey Andy, I'm good thanks. Hope you are ok! I haven't had enough of this at all, and I love your insight!

Too right Sally. To express grief in words - writing or talking - is often a good way to release it. We'll be here for you whatever Crusader.


I find writing exercises alot of my demons. I get so much out through my blog, I'm sure sometimes I appear insane, but I view it as therapy.

It’s the third time I’ve tried to spring away, only to be pulled back in. But it shows what warm hearts do to me.


Hehe, I am very glad you are back Andy!

on Oct 11, 2004
Hello Sally, Andy,
I must say it's good to see you both here!! In fact it's absolutely great as I feel like we're developing a great friendship and you have both become endeared in my heart. There are people in life that you just seem to click with and others you just don't and I believe you two belong in the former for me.

I'm so sorry to hear about your Nanna. At least she had a long life, and you had the chance to see that.


Thanks Sally...and you're right ..she had a good long life and she was a wonderful person who's legacy was passed down through the generations as she taught her daughter to be a compassionate, loving, caring person who then taught her children to be the same and it is a big part of who I am today and who my children will be as I teach them what I have learnt....and so on and so on....down the generations a part of her will live forever here with us.

Death is such a difficult thing to deal with, you always think about the things you should of done, rather than remembering the things you actually did do.

Yes...I was putting myself through the things I wish I had done rather than thinking of the things I had. Nanna died Tuesday evening (at this point I did not know) and Wednesday morning I headed off to be with her as we all knew it would not be long and I kept thinking 'If only I had gone to see her on Tuesday' but I forgot all the times I had gone to spend time with her frequently of late.

If you want to talk about it, or anything I am more than willing to listen

Thanks again Sally....it's nice to know you care and are there to listen if need be.

When people die, I think their spirit lives on. In everyday life. They are still a apart of you. She is still apart of you.

Nanna is and always will be a big part of me as she was when she was here she will continue to be as she taught us a lot about life through her experiences and she is big part of the reason I am who I am today.

You are more than right I am enjoying this conversation. I just like to think about it and give it the attention it deserves and I will keep returning to it. I'm sure Andy will return too. How can he resist us two lovely ladies, hehe. .

I could tell you are as intrigued and interested as myself with this conversation and it definately is hard not to return to. Yes, Andy, how can you resist us two lovely ladies?!

Crusader, I’m sorry to hear about your Nanna.

Thanks Andy. I am feeling a little better now that I have gotten over the shock and have had time to think. Though I don't think I would be feeling as good if I hadn't had the opportunity to speak with you here and hear what you know.

But just remember that your Nanna is closer to you than you might know, she can see you and loves you always, and from her point of view, it will only be a blink of an eye before you can see her again and can give her a big proper hug.

Now...I kind of feel a bit silly telling you this but I know you will not laugh at me or pull a face.....but I was thinking about Nanna the day after she died...just sitting outside by myself and I said 'Nanna if you can hear me in any sense can you let me know that you are ok....give me some kind of sign that everything is alright...a storm or something that I can see and know' .....and it's probablly a big coincidence ...but there was a big lightning storm late Wednesday night .....Andy, is it possible that is was a sign or a big coincidence and wishful thinking on my part?

Yes, it is just a husk, this earthly body of ours. She’s got a more beautiful and vibrant body now, mind. But it’s amazing to think that some people truly believe that these physical bodies are all we are. Bits of flesh and bone - inanimate matter - and nothing else.

I have always felt of our bodies more as vessels for what really matters and although it is important to respect and look after your body I think it is a shame how our society has given people the wrong idea and people can become obsessed with how they look rather than how they are thinking and feeling and being. I hope that one day people see the real importance in our lives while we are here.

and that life and love continue forever.

Ah....life and love continueing forever ...what a beautiful concept.

Too right Sally. To express grief in words - writing or talking - is often a good way to release it. We'll be here for you whatever Crusader.

It has helped me having had spent time here with you both speaking of this subject before Nanna passed and I'm sure it will help me at any time to know I have two caring people willing to listen....and I hope you both know that I will be here to do the same if you are in need.

Thanks Sally, Andy for the kind words and please call me Care.....the least I can do for your kindness is to offer my name in return.
Stay healthy and happy and will be seeing (writing) you soon.
on Oct 16, 2004
Hi Sally and Care, how are you doing? I hope you’ve had a good week. I would have written earlier but I really haven’t had the chance this week.

“Care”? What a nice name! What’s is it short for? Or is that your full name? Can we call you Care Bear?

I find writing exercises alot of my demons. I get so much out through my blog, I'm sure sometimes I appear insane, but I view it as therapy


I agree Sally babe. Writing can be an excellent form of therapy. Writing alone is therapeutic enough, but the good thing about JU is that you get to share views and hear other people’s, and have a good chat to boot. And I’m sure we all have moments when we think we appear insane to others. But everybody is somebody else’s weirdo, as the saying goes, which is why we shouldn’t worry if people think we’re off the wall. We don’t need to base our sense of self-worth upon other people’s opinions. Instead, we can strive to align our self-worth with our own inner-wisdom and guidance.

Now...I kind of feel a bit silly telling you this but I know you will not laugh at me or pull a face.....but I was thinking about Nanna the day after she died...just sitting outside by myself and I said 'Nanna if you can hear me in any sense can you let me know that you are ok....give me some kind of sign that everything is alright...a storm or something that I can see and know' .....and it's probablly a big coincidence ...but there was a big lightning storm late Wednesday night .....Andy, is it possible that is was a sign or a big coincidence and wishful thinking on my part?


Care, of course it’s possible. Anything is possible from Heaven’s point of view. It’s also possible that it was a coincidence, (although I personally don’t believe in accidents). Maybe that’s for you to decide. Of course, if the storm was a sign, then it begs the question: If God - or whoever - has the ability and resources to control storms in such ways, then why doesn't He step in and prevent hurricanes from causing untold damage to innocent homes and families?

The answer can be found in the model of the world that I’ve described throughout this thread. After all, we’ve all chosen to come down to a place where shit happens and where things deliberately aren’t too rosy, for the purpose of striving to conquer such hardship from within. If we didn’t want to face any strife or pain at all, then we would have chosen to stay in Paradise. The attitudes and priorities of those on the Other Side are therefore different to our own earthly attitudes and priorities. From the soul’s reckoning, it might be in our own highest interests for God not to intervene in external ways that we might have assumed would be good for us.

At humanity’s present level of spiritual growth, the popular mind possesses what I call the “lottery winning consciousness”. i.e. We like to think that a multi-million pound win on the lottery would be the God-send that we're looking for, which will fix all our problems. However, the chances are that God has a very different agenda on the cards. God has a vested interest in His children’s accumulation of spiritual wealth and inner-strength and integrity, rather than materialistic wealth and worldly trappings. Incidentally, for those who do win the lottery, no doubt their circumstances change in such ways as to create soul-challenges of a different kind. (Material wealth and so-called worldly values often deter our soul’s deeper aim to cultivate spiritual strength and love, which is the very purpose of our being here. To exercise love, forgiveness and a trust in life is how we can increase inner wealth.)

I think it is a shame how our society has given people the wrong idea and people can become obsessed with how they look rather than how they are thinking and feeling and being. I hope that one day people see the real importance in our lives while we are here


That’s so true Care bear. The irony is that once we get things the right way round, our outer-being will naturally begin to look more healthy and vibrant. Regardless of how "ugly" we might be on an external level, people will begin to see through it, and will notice a deeper beauty and security that shines from within.

Anyway, I hope to hear from you both soon. Sorry about the delayed response, I suppose it can cause a fragmented conversation, but apologise for that.

How have you both been this week?

Is anyone else interested in joining the conversation? I think it's nice to hear as many views as possible.
on Oct 23, 2004
Have you both left the blog? Come back Sally and Care!!!!!!

on Oct 23, 2004
I haven't left Andy! Hello to you both.......and hope you are well and happy.
I have been really, really off the wall busy of late... so I apologise for my absence....I actually only have a very short period of time right now but I just wanted to drop by quickly and say hello......'Hello!'...and now I must go......

Take care the both of you and will be back ...more indepth ...soon.

Care:)
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