"Conversation should be pleasant without scurrility, witty without affectation, free without indecency, learned without conceitedness, novel without falsehood."
one day
Published on September 2, 2004 By Sally jacobs In Philosophy
I am going to die, one day whether it be today, tomorrow or sixty years down the line. I will die. This concept used to scare the hell out of me, I mean where do you go, what happens? Is that it, nothingness for eternity. I don't have religious beliefs. I don't believe in certain things, because the truth is, I don't really know. I don't know what will happen till I die. To believe I will return to earth in another capacity is just not possible. Because though it could possibley happen, I just think it's something to make me feel better. That it's a comforting hand on my shoulder, but I'm not filling myself with things that might not be true. Forget that. I'd rather face the harsh reality, that it is something i don't know, and face the fear that goes with that, and I have done. I've been scared with the thought of it, I have feared it, and now I have accepted it. I am not scared of death. I am not scared of dying. I know it's going to happen one day, and I accept it.

I am scared of losing people around me. Their deaths I haven't quite accepted just yet. I have only really dealt with the death of someone close to me once. My grandparents died when I was very young, so I didn't have to deal with that. When I was nine my cousin died. He was fourteen. Even at nine years old, I knew that was a huge waste of a life. He used to babysit me. I looked up to him quite a bit. He went to the beach with his Dad and brothers. It was the summer holidays. Someone had dug a big hole in the sand, and my cousin climbed in it, and dug some more. The hole started to collapse in on him, until it was impossible for him to get out. My uncle clawed at the sand with his hands. It was to late my cousin was dead. At his funeral the thing that was most upsetting looking back, was his school friends. He went to a catholic school, most of my family are pretty religious. They were all there in school uniform their whole lives in front of them, but that was it for him, over. Incredibley sad. My Uncle never dealt with the guilt, he disappeared. He died a few years later. He never returned to being the person he was before my cousin died. Upon finding out that my cousin was dead, his Mum, had a huge nervous breakdown. It took her a long time to recover. She did though, in her own way. She had another baby very soon after, and named him after my cousin. For some reason that always creeped me out. I was nine, so dealing with it wasn't really a huge thing. One day he was there, and one day he wasn't. I missed him at first, but life went on, for me at least.

I think now about how I would deal with the death of someone I loved. I don't honestly know, I don't think I would handle it very well. I'm not good at showing emotion at the best of times. How is it I can accept my death, but not the death of those I love? I would be angry they were taken away from me. Heartbroken at all the things I hadn't said to them. I'd cry where no one could see me. How do you cope when your world is built around someone, and then they are cruely taken away from you? My Auntie didn't really mourn my Uncle when he died. She'd done it along time before. His spirit died with my cousin. She knew where it was heading. Is it easier when you're prepared for it? So you don't have that shock? Or is it worse just waiting for it to happen. Feeling helpless, wishing you could do something to help. At least you can say all the things you want to. Make peace. I think about what would happen if my sister died. We don't speak anymore, and if she went, with me feeling like this towards her, the guilt would eat me up. Is that good enough reason to make peace with her, or is it just selfish? I say I don't want her in my life, but I like to have the choice. For her to be just taken away from me, would break my heart. Just like it would for anyone I loved.

At times like that I'm sure having beliefs really helps. As long as it doesn't make you question them, the beliefs should make you strong. Should give you reason and hope. I always think that, that religion must be such a strong attribute to have. Not for me, to take on religion like that would be like marrying a man I didn't love. Getting all the securities, but not giving myself fully to it, not fully trusting it. I would feel like I was cheating. Looking for an easy way out. Looking for some hope, but not really believing it. I couldn't do that. Maybe I shouldn't compare religion to a marriage. I just think it's something you give yourself totally too. Total commitment. I have great respect for people that do. That their beliefs are that strong. Mine aren't though. I believe in myself. I believe I have guidance. Of course. I just don't know what that is. Maybe one day I will find out. Who knows what will happen. I know we can't live our lives scared of death. Because it will catch us sooner or later. We just need to embrace it with no regrets.

Comments (Page 1)
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on Sep 02, 2004
Losing someone close to you is a very difficult thing and can make you think about things you would otherwise leave alone.

As for religion, it is not the answer. Beliefs and religion are not necessarily the same thing. I can have beliefs in certain things without following a set religion. I am a Christian, and although I share similar beliefs with other Christians, I do not always agree with their "religion".

I do think that comparing marriage and faith (not religion) is a good one. I have a relationship with God, just as I have a relationship with my husband. My relationship with God is like any other relationship in many ways. I have to work at it. At times when I am down or I don't understand why something has happened, I have to work harder than when things are going well. Most importantly, I have to constantly choose to love God, I have to choose to believe in Him. Just as I must constantly choose to love my husband and believe in him if I want the relationship to last.
on Sep 02, 2004
When I consider living forever in this material world, I have to stop and think about if that is something that I would really want to do. If you could stay reasonably physically fit and live forever, would you? Imagine watching time fly by faster and faster as your perspective of time changes through the years. Imagine watching your children grow up and die and then their children and then their...you get the idea. Even if things and people stuck around with you, wouldn't it all loose it's meaning eventually? What would be the point? As I said in a blog (that I'll link to below) We are lucky just to exist anyway.

I think that the beauty of this existence and what make it so sweet, is that just like a good song, it moves and flows and ends. What I see is a lot of people getting all hot and bothered about the NEXT life when they really aren't living THIS one.

When loved ones pass away, remember, and you don't have to take this of "faith" or even believe in God at all: They were here. You did experience them. You were blessed beyond comprehension when they were with you. You still are when they are gone. So what to do? Me, I'm gonna enjoy the ride.


Link

on Sep 02, 2004
I am a Christian, and although I share similar beliefs with other Christians, I do not always agree with their "religion".


So you take elements of the religion, and then follow your own path? So like use it for inspiration? Do I sound really dumb here?

Most importantly, I have to constantly choose to love God, I have to choose to believe in Him. Just as I must constantly choose to love my husband and believe in him if I want the relationship to last.


I can't do that. I can't give that dedication, no matter how hard I try, because I don't believe.

Thankyou so much for your comment, it got my insightful.

Even if things and people stuck around with you, wouldn't it all loose it's meaning eventually? What would be the point?


I know what you're saying, and it's a good way of looking at it. The novelty of life would ware off eventually. If we thought people would be here forever maybe we would appreicate it less. Good outlook to have.

They were here. You did experience them. You were blessed beyond comprehension when they were with you. You still are when they are gone. So what to do? Me, I'm gonna enjoy the ride.


Wow! Another insightul, thankyou so much. These things help you put things in perspective!

Thanks to both of you xxxx
on Sep 02, 2004
Sally: This is a beautiful piece. I struggle with having faith myself, but I feel like, for the sake of my sanity, I have to believe in something bigger and greater than myself. I often fight doubt because, really and truly, we don't know what will happen after we, or those we love, pass on. I agree with you as well, that it would be easier to accept our own death than the death of someone we love. I can't imagine the grief and pain and I would feel if my husband or children died. I don't know if I would want to continue to live.

I really think this is something that we have to work through ourselves. I envy those who have absolutely no doubt.

Thank you for sharing this, Sally.
on Sep 03, 2004
I struggle with having faith myself, but I feel like, for the sake of my sanity, I have to believe in something bigger and greater than myself. I often fight doubt because, really and truly, we don't know what will happen after we, or those we love, pass on.


I know exactly what you mean, but good for you for giving it a chance. I struggle to believe in what I can't see. That is faith though, to believe in something you don't truely know.

I agree with you as well, that it would be easier to accept our own death than the death of someone we love. I can't imagine the grief and pain and I would feel if my husband or children died. I don't know if I would want to continue to live.


I can't imagine someone I see everyday suddenly been taken away from me. I know even now, I woud not deal with it well at all. That is a day I am certainly dreading.

Thanks for the comment xxx

on Sep 03, 2004
So you take elements of the religion, and then follow your own path? So like use it for inspiration? Do I sound really dumb here?


First, you do not sound dumb at all. I am a member of a particular denomination, but I do not agree with alot of the things the denomination says and does. I get strange and sometimes hostile responses from other members of my denomination (and church) when I express a view different from theirs or disagree with their opinion. I try not to let it bother me. The most important part for me is my relationship with God, not my relationship with other Christians. My inspiration is mostly from seeing things and people around me that I know God is responsible for. I do not try to push my religion or my faith on other people, because most "religion" is hollow, and noone can have the faith(relationship) that I have. I do encourage people to explore, read, and develop their own relationship, and I hope that my faith can be an example to others.

I have seen too many things in my life that could only be explained by the existence and intervention of a power greater than man's.
on Sep 05, 2004
enjoy the ride


That's all we can do. Enjoy it as much as we can. It shouldn't matter whether there's life after death or not. I'm psychic, so I'm cheating when I say I know that there is. (But I don't expect you to believe that.) Some things are secret for a reason, but either way, we should find peace with our own model of the world, and not worry too much about death. It's simply a natural part of life’s cycle.
on Sep 06, 2004
Sally,

Before I had my son....I was not afraid of death and I would often challenge the spectre....though the death of anyone I cared for would have upset me to no end....and I guess it was selfish of me in not respecting the loss I would cause those who loved me...But when my son came along I felt the crushing reality of mortality......I cared now.....I could never leave my sons side.....he needs his mother in his life.....I need to be here to protect him......So , yes , death now frightens the beejeebus out of me......though I have calmed myself over the subject and still don't tread precariously through life on egg shells ....I have tamed my ways in order to lessen the chance of having to leave my son motherless.
I am not religious at all and have no belief to hold close of what is after death but really I don't think about it much and I think I'll just live my life to the fullest and when I die I guess I'll know.
Life is precious.....
on Sep 06, 2004
AndyBaker,

I'm psychic, so I'm cheating when I say I know that there is. (But I don't expect you to believe that.)

Would you like to let us in on what you know........you never know we may believe you!
on Sep 06, 2004
I get strange and sometimes hostile responses from other members of my denomination (and church) when I express a view different from theirs or disagree with their opinion


This is what gets me. We should all be able to develop are own faith without people telling us what is right or wrong. I think it's a personal thing, I can also see how people like to share it though, but personal choice and beliefs should be respected.

I do not try to push my religion or my faith on other people, because most "religion" is hollow, and noone can have the faith(relationship) that I have.


Exactly, people need to find their own path, and when people try to push things on me, I generally just distance myself from it. I'm very strong willed, and like to follow my own path, no one elses.

Some things are secret for a reason, but either way, we should find peace with our own model of the world, and not worry too much about death


Andy you're here, yay! Hehe! You're right, enjoy life while we can! i wouldn't want to know what was going to happen, would ruin the fun for me!

though the death of anyone I cared for would have upset me to no end....and I guess it was selfish of me in not respecting the loss I would cause those who loved me...


Yeah I know I would cause pain to others if I died, just as much pain they would cause me I guess. It works both ways, it's just a selfish way of looking at it.


But when my son came along I felt the crushing reality of mortality......


Yes it's amazing what a new life can do to you. Now you have so much more to live for huh.

I am not religious at all and have no belief to hold close of what is after death but really I don't think about it much and I think I'll just live my life to the fullest and when I die I guess I'll know.


I couldn't agree with you more.

Thanks for all the comments guys xxx
on Sep 06, 2004

ive been fortunate in that--with the exception of my grandparents and my father--most of those close to me are still alive.  the one noteable exception was my brother-in-law who was one of my best friends long before he married my sister. he died 4 years ago, the victim of a very aggressive cancer.  i might not have been there the evening he died had i not been pushed into going by a friend--a hospice nurse--who refused to allow me to indulge my fear of death.  


throughout the 9 months during which all the hopeful options and possibilities withered and blew away like autumn leaves, i was acutely aware of the major drawbacks of not having a god in which i could believe: there was noone for me to blame...no target for my anger at the inequity of my friend's painful and untimely end...no one to whom i could ask for a miracle...no one to offer my life in exchange for his.


i now see there are circumstances in which death is far preferable...and im more accepting of the inevitability of my own end.  (and as ive pointed out more than once, my primary reservation about dying these days is hoping  i have time to delete my chat history and bookmarks )

on Sep 06, 2004
We should all be able to develop are own faith without people telling us what is right or wrong. I think it's a personal thing


That’s so very true. Faith is completely personal, whatever we believe, and to have other people tell us what to believe is a real no-goer. Whatever our beliefs about the hereafter, we can respect the fact that there's no proof either way, and that it's healthy to keep an open mind.

Crusader, yes, I’m psychic, in a proper sense. Whether people believe that or not doesn’t matter. I don’t normally talk about it, because people don’t need to know. Psychic gifts aren’t to be abused, and they serve most effectively when they’re used with compassion, understanding and wisdom. If I told you what I know, would you believe it? The answer is it depends if you’re ready. It’s actually very interesting – the bigger picture and our place in it. I can tell you if you’re interested, but I wouldn’t want to push it.
on Sep 06, 2004
AndyBaker,
I think I have a pretty open mind...and I am very interested in the psychic side of man....so I would love if you would share what you know.....and enlighten me to the unknown...
on Sep 07, 2004
For what it’s worth, and at the risk of being insulted or abused, here is what I know. This isn’t stuff that I merely believe to be true. It’s stuff that I know to be true. For some people, it might at least be a nice fairy tale - an interesting view of the world. For others, it might resonate with something in the heart, like a helpful signpost. For others still, it might be annoying verbiage written by a bloke who doesn’t have a clue. All to their own, mind, and that’s the way it should be.

(1) There is no such thing as death. Heaven is our real home, and our souls retain their individuality in the hereafter. In Heaven, we are at our most alive and secure, and we exist for all eternity. Yet we can freely choose to incarnate on physical planes such as earth - as many times as we like - for the purpose of facing challenges and trials which don’t exist in Paradise. A good way to interpret the nature of our lives on earth is to perceive them as quick trips to the gym, (they are quick indeed – blinks of an eye - from within the context of eternity), which promote inner strength and spiritual muscle in a manner impossible in the safe environment of the spirit world.

(2) Whilst in the human body, our soul’s knowledge is deliberately veiled in order to optimise spiritual growth and strength. (Where would the challenge be if we all consciously knew about our real lives in Heaven?).

(3) Our degree of inner peace, wisdom, strength and enlightenment is determined mainly by our soul's level of growth and advancement. i.e. Materialistic or shallow folk might be beginners at the game of life, whilst wise and spiritually mature folk have probably done the rounds many times before. It’s all a question of growth. This principle applies on a larger scale to the growth of the human race as a whole. As we evolve, we will become more spiritually aware, and our mental ‘maps’ of reality will more accurately describe the Territory, thus leading us to correctly discern ‘What is So’.

(4) God exists.

(5) The devil doesn’t exist.

(6) There is no such place as Hell – except for within one’s own consciousness. Hell is a state of being, rather than a place.

(7) Handicapped bodies, terminal illnesses, and every challenge we face on earth, are of our own choosing – not God’s. Before our incarnations to earth, we undergo a process of deep self-analysis, and freely choose goals and challenges which will promote soul-faculties and qualities to an optimum degree. The greater the physical challenge, the greater potential for spiritual advancement. (Hence, poverty, bad upbringings, antagonistic families, etc. are actually blessings in disguise and opportunities for real growth). None of earth’s negativities are ultimately “real” from Heaven's perspective, i.e. the soul knows its true reality. Our life on this planet is all a big game, ultimately, played out by finite personalities in human costumes - yet to an immense benefit for the soul.

(8) We are never alone. We are eternally safe and secure, loved unconditionally by our Father in Heaven. Our Heavenly friends, spirit guides and angels are always close by. (Yes, angels exist!)

(9) All negativities and apparent contradictions in life are merely ‘contrasts’ in a bigger, more beautiful picture.

(11) Love is the greatest power in the universe. Everything is conceived in love, and everything will return to love, because God - the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end - is love.


Do you recognise the Truth when you hear it? Like I said earlier, it depends if you’re ready.


(Sorry about that. I wasn't expecting this to happen. I feel quite embarassed)
on Sep 07, 2004
AndyBaker,
But How do you know this.........can you explain more extensively ............I am very interested and would love it if you continued............

Why are your embarrassed.........I see no reason to be ...........
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