Well it is official folks....I am evil. There is some chemical reaction that is currently going on in my tiny mind that is making me into a two headed evil monster, and it ain't pretty. I'm even scaring myself. For a while now (so you can't blame it on what men usually blame womens moods on) I have noticed my behaviour, and moods becoming worse and worse, and my poor, poor fella seems to be at the recieving end of these mood swings. To be fair to him he does take them on the chin bless him, but that doesn't get away from the fact that I am....evil! No matter what he does or what he says, I find some fault in it. He could say something really adorable to me, and somewhere along the line I would still manage to bite his head off, chew it up, and spit it out. Long gone is the mild mannered, sweet, me. Well I was never mild mannered, or sweet come to think of it....but I did resemble something nice (ish). Now I don't even have logic to cling on to, even that has up and left me. I am just a mad, insane, horrible woman.

You know what makes this behaviour even worse? If you asked my fella about it, he would disagree with me completely. He would tell everyone how lovely and nice I am. It just simply isn't true though. I even mentioned to him that one of my friends had told me that I was going to have to be nicer to him. Otherwise he would simply get sick of me. When I told him, you know what his reaction to it was? He got mad with my friend. How dare they say I need to be nicer (even though me thinks I do!) I am *ahem* perfect just the way I am. I don't think I am going to be getting over these words anytime soon. See how nice he is? I am starting to think that this may be part of the problem. Which would go even further to suggest that I am a silly messed up female, who simply needs to get a grip

I have two reasons for this behaviour. Two very typical, female reasons. My first one is, he is just soooooooo laid back, that it infuriates me completely. It really doesn't help that I am extremely highly strung, and I worry about just about everything, and I rant and rave about ridiculous things, and get myself completely worked up. You are lucky if you get so much as a few semi passionate words from him. Stuff just doesn't bother him. So it would seem my new goal in life is to get him bothered, and do it anyway that I can. Whatever will get a reaction, I will do it. I just push and push, until I feel that he is at a similar level of annoyance as I am. Believe me that isn't an easy task, and why the hell do I do it????? Well I will tell you why, because I feel like I have achieved something. Last night I got my biggest achievement of all. To be fair to him, he was tired, and I was a wicked witch, and I pushed and pushed until he felt he had to set me straight. Then when he was setting me straight....I went to interrupt....and he actually shouted (kinda) for me to SHUTUP AND LET HIM FINISH...woahhhh...we've never had that before. I was quite pleased with myself. I am just messed up.

The other reason is, and this one might be a little more logical, I think that I am trying to push him away, and in some ways this behaviour is testing him. Just to see how much he will take, and if he will just go running off. I'm not good with trust, and commitment and all that malarky. I need alot of time and patience, and I think a part of me is seeing if he will take it. If he goes running for the hills then he wasn't the right guy, right? But seriously, who can blame him? I am a munster! Don't worry I realise this, and after losing my temper and getting in a mood I always feel completely terrible, but that doesn't stop me from doing it again. I still get wound up over ridiculous things, and I find it absolutely impossible to hide my feelings. I just can't do it. They are there for the world to see. If I don't like you. You get to know about it. If you upset me. You get to know about it. So even if I do try and hide these things from him, they do end up exploding. I don't think he is going to put up with it much longer - can you blame him?

I guess now we know why I was single for so long! Maybe I am just meant to be on my own