Voulez-vous couchez avec moi?

Just a ramble...

Published on March 1, 2005 By Sally jacobs In Life Journals

I'm feeling alot more light hearted than I have in a long time. I don't really know why, but it's all good. I'll enjoy it while it lasts.......I am admittedly self obsessed. I think everyone is to a certain extent. I think probably if you read the blogs I have wrote you will realise that. One of my main worries is that I will end up a no one. That I'll die somewhere one day, with a load of cats, in a little flat, and my body will lay there for weeks on end. I will only be eventually found because someone will notice the smell, and someone will say, 'aww it's sad to go like that'. Don't confuse this with me not wanting to be alone. I had an amazing chat with someone. On this very subject. I'm not afraid of being along. There are high chances that I will be alone, and that doesn't bother me at all. I won't settle. I refuse too. If that means a life of lonliness and no cuddles at night, and kisses when I wake up. Someone who sees me as the centre of their universe, then sobeit. I would prefer that than waking up everyday, and looking at someone that doesn't rock my world. To known I've settled, I could never do that, and to stay with that person because the other option is to be alone, what's so wrong with being alone? You don't have to answer to anyone, you can do what you want, when you want. You don't have to consider anyone elses feelings. Your life is your own. Doesn't sound to bad to me. The only way I would sacrifice that is for the person who rocks my world. The person who makes my heart stop, and makes my days that much brighter. Not the person who simply takes up space and has a pulse. Forget that. I'm never selling myself short. Obviously this is a double edged sword. Because you can overset your sights and miss what's in front. Hopefully I'm not completely closed off. I've learnt alot recently though. About people and the way they work. I think it's known as human nature.

This wasn't the point of this article anyway. As I was sayiing before I interupted myself. I don't want to die a nobody. The chances are I probably will. I'm not going to die with the world knowing my name, and screaming great things for me. That's alright. I think I can live with that, I do want to die having achieved things though. There are many things I would like to achieve before I die. I'd like to write a novel when I'm old. Not a bestselling novel, though it would be nice. Just knowing that I've actually done it will do me though. I want to learn to play a musical instrument too. I think there's something romantic about it. I tried learning the guitar once, a painful experience for me and those around me. I am tone deaf. Can't carry a note. However, I would like to learn to play the piano. Honestly, I don't know what's posessed me. I would really like to be able to play the piano though. Also, and this is the one that's giving me the most laughs, I want to learn to speak French. I seriously think I'm going through some mental meltdown because I hated French when I was at school. Five years I studied, and the best bit of french I know is the title of this blog. I wonder if that's the best known French phrase

. Now I know these are only little things. Not world changing things by a long shot. I'm starting to figure out it isn't about the big picture. It's about the small steps you take along the way that make it up.

Some kind of stomach bug is going around at the moment, it's hit my whole family, all laid up in bed. It's like a little hospital ward. I'm just getting over it now, I hate been ill. I've not been that ill in a long time either. I couldn't even get out of bed, not nice at all. I took the time to broaden my musical horizons. I've decided I'm quite closed minded towards music. So i have listened to some Queen and Elvis. I'm not really digging Elvis, but Queen is quite good, and thanks to my Dads musical influence, I am completely loving 'Coward of the County ( Kenny Rogers!)' and another classic 'Fairytale of Newyork'. Yeah maybe some things I shouldn't admit. I'm also loving Nina Simone (who I think is really a man) 'I got life' and Nancy Sinatra 'Bang Bang' we all know we can thank Bill for that

. I know this is quite a random blog, but I am in a rather random mood, so maybe I should just swoop over all of it.

It feels wrong writing a blog and not mentioning Kermit, but I don't really have a lot to say about him. It would be wrong to say I'm over him, because in some ways I'm sure I'll never be over him, in a good way of course. I'm moving on though, that's for sure. He has definetly had his mourning period. I miss him as my friend, but that's about it. Things will never be the same between us again, not even on a friendship level. Which is sad, because he meant alot to me, and I really did trust him with alot, but life goes on, and I guess he was just another chapter in my novel. It doesn't hurt hearing from him anymore. It's just nice. It doesn't make me want to jump his bones (not that I ever did) it's just a nice feeling. The worst thing is, I still see and hear little things, and I think to myself, I can't wait to tell kermit that he will wet his knickers. Then I remember...that's the worst thing. All is good though. Sorry for the ramble folks!

Comments

DylanZimmerman

on Mar 04, 2005

hey Sal, Glad your feeling a little happier! I get what you mean about wanting to learn to speak French..I've always wanted to speak Spanish but I've never been able to learn it. It's like a mental block for me. We did it in in school and all I remember are a few phrases, mostly the bad ones...The best way to learn a language is probably just to go live in a country where its spoken for a while..but I don't know if you'd have the opportunity to do that. You really should take it if you ever do..could be fun.

And I love Fairytale of New York, it's one of my favorite songs. Always makes me cry!

Glad you feel like you're moving on with the whole boy thing. Boyfriends are over-rated anyway.

Dyl xx

Floozie

on Mar 24, 2005

You know how you mean to get in contact with someone, but it's been a while and you feel a little uncomfortable? So you put it off a little longer because you feel really weird about not having spoken to them and worry that they are annoyed with you. Then you worry more as it has now been so long that you don't feel that you have a right to encroach on their space. So you don't do anything except worry about not having spoken to them and having been a bad friend.

It's been too long and I am sorry. I miss our chats. I hope that all is well with you and that life is treating you as it should. Take care of you, honey.

Suz xxx

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