I am generally a pretty private person. I don't like to share to much with people. I guess it's an issue of trust really. I trust hardly anyone, and those I do choose to trust, I only have different levels of trust for them. It would be difficult for me to tell you people I trust completely. There's one, maybe two people I trust completely. With everything. I find it difficult to tell people things. My family is like a running Jerry Springer show. There's always things that are going on, that I have to pinch myself and think is this really happening. It is easier to not mention it, than put up with the disblieving looks, or the pity, or whatever else people have to offer. I don't want any of that. In alot of ways I am very lucky, and I know that. I have a family that loves me, no matter what. That will be there for me, no matter what. I am comfortable. There are lots of ways I'm lucky. There are also lots of things I'd rather not have to put up with. It's like any other family, any other life. There is good and bad. I went through a lot of things as a kid, that we don't talk about now. If you don't talk about it, it's like it never happened. That's my families philosophy on it. Me and my sister talk about it. She tells me things she remembers, I tell her stuff. We both need to talk about it, and we help each other. She is one of the people I trust completely. No matter how silly I can tell her things, and she understands. Maybe because we've seen the same things, and we both feel the same things about it. She helps alot.
I've got a friend. I trust them completely too. I don't really know why though. We have a really strong friendship, and they mean alot to me. Everything I have ever told them, they have been supportive, and helped me. So due to their reactions on certain things, I have carried on telling them things. I really valued that about them. There isn't many people I feel like that about. I have told this person things I haven't told anyone else. Maybe I was stupid to do so. I sometimes feel I am. I get the feeling I shouldn't have told this person things. I think they have judged me on things, and found things hard to understand. Which is no fault of theirs, I guess. I should just no better than to tell people these things. I'm not a liar. There are just some things you should keep to yourself. I've got a really big problem at the moment, that is really upsetting me. That I'm finding it hard to deal with on my own. I thought they could help me. They couldn't. I guess there are some things you have to deal with alone. I will be okay.
For me trust is important. I don't give it freely. It has to be earnt, and if you mess it up, that is it for me. I'm not very forgiving when it comes to that.
I've been reading through my blogs. I haven't been to happy recently. I can see it in the stuff I'm writing. Writing helps. So don't think I'm a miserable whining cow. I'll get through it. This is just therapy for me. Thanks for reading.