As many of you know me and my eldest sister have an awkward relationship. We are very different. Our views on life are very different. We just don't see things in the same light. This leads to many disagreements on things. Many arguments. I love my sister dearly though. Part of the reason I fight so hard with her is because I want things to change in her for life, so she leads a better life. I have always wanted to help her. Years ago I thought I could hold her hand through everything, and do all the hard work for her. Recently I have being trying tough love, so she learns for herself how to do things. Neither have worked. The point to this article is, I saw my sister cry for the first time in a while, and for a second, just a split second, I forgot all the bad stuff, and she was just my sister, who i wanted to protect. My sister is like a child in a lot of ways. She needs looking after, she needs to feel loved. Her choices of boyfriends over the years have been poor to say the least. She doesn't think a man will ever want her for anything more than how she looks. She doesn't think about personalities, or if you click with them, it is all about looking good for them and pleasing them the best way she knows how.
I may not have mentioned this before, but my sister is a lap dancer. She has had this choice in career for as long as I can remember. Something my parents don't know about, and something that I don't really agree with. Because it introduced her to this whole way of life, that just doesn't suit her. Anyway, this career has lead her to believe there is onlyone way to get men, and keep them. To use sex to your best advantage, and that's what she does. She never goes for men her own age. They are either far to young, or far to old. There's no middle ground. Little boys, younger than me who just need a clip around the ear, or old men, who are just pervs. When I was growing up I always looked up to my sister, she always was magical to me. She lived this amazing life, and I so wanted to be like her. I suppose when you build up someone like that, they will only disappoint you. She is weak really. She is scared of herself, who she is. She tries to change to suit other people. I have witnessed this in her relationships. She lets men walk all over her, and she just takes it. She isn't an ugly girl. She does have an interesting personality. She is good hearted. Me and her haven't spoken properly for almost a year, and I still know she would do anything for me. I know she would put her life on the line, if it meant saving mine. I know that, because she is my sister, and love her or hate her, I would do the same for her.
She was crying over a man. It's at times like this I just want to shake her, and tell her to get a grip. She has eleven years on me. These roles should be reversed. It should be me being stupid over men, and her telling me they aren't worth it. Her new fella is an older guy. He just treats her like a fool. He tells her to get ready to go out, and he'll be around soon, and then doesn't show up. Just leaves her sitting there ready. She tells me he does this all the time. Now I don't claim to know anything about love or relationships. I do know that if he thinks he can get away with that behaviour then he will carry on to do so. I tried to tell her this. I desperately wanted to stop her crying, but I also knew she wouldn't listen. She never does. My sister spent alot of time in hospital when I was at school. Nothing to serious, but she had to have a series of operations. I remember crying every night I had to leave her lying there alone in the hospital. I don't know why. I knew she would be alright. I knew I'd see her the next day. I just didn't want to leave her. I fear one day I will have to leave her for good.
I don't like my sister very much at the moment. To much water has passed under the bridge. Too many times she has hurt me. Too many times she has hurt my family. I am finding it hard to forgive that. At the moment I don't want her in my life, and I am happier that she isn't in it. Times like this though, make me remember she is my sister, and I do love her, and I do need her in my life. She is a good person, and she is my sister, I don't have to like her, I do love her though. I am very protective of those I love. I would happily die for the people I love. There isn't many of them, but there's a few. I haven't told my sister in a long time I love her. I don't think I will be for a while, but I will say it here. I love my sister.