My perfect guy

Published on November 8, 2004 By Sally jacobs In Personal Relationships

I watched Bridget Jones's diary last night. Not the lastest one. The old one. I wanted to remind myself of the last one before I see the new one. This film never fails to make me smile. For all the lonely hearts of the world it is a wonderful film. Slightly self absorbed, but hey who isn't. I was discussing marriage with a friend today. Me and marriage aren't two things I would be putting together anytime soon. Marriage to me seems like a prison sentence. My friend was slightly more optimistic about the whole thing, and pictured themselves getting married in the next five years. That won't be something I put bets on but I was optimistic for their sake. I went on a date. It was the most traumatic event of recent times. Seriously. Dating sucks. What is dating anyway? The dance you do with fools, till you find the right one. We went for a meal. What is it with women and not wanting to eat in front of men, do we want them to believe we aren't human, and we don't need the basics to survive, as we are super human of course. This guy didn't shutup once. Now maybe that was just a nervous tick, who knows, I never got the opportunity to ask. I was more worried by the fact that he never stopped for breath, and at any second he would just fall to the floor, and I would be forced to give him the kiss of life *ugh*.

So how did this turn of events come about. I was partly sick of feeling sorry for myself. Mostly sick of people telling me to actually date someone, and suffering from somewhat of a broken heart. Though the less said about that the better as I'm sure someone reading this is getting their jollies out of that. So my date. A friend of a friend. Aren't they always. We went out last week. I could tell he took a shine to me. Why are men so obvious? He didn't leave my side, and everything I said he laughed at, like it was the funniest thing he had ever heard. He was quite a nice guy though. He didn't have that something. You know that flair you see in some people. He didn't have that, but he was nice, and relatively funny. He was also very good looking. I mean drop dead gorgeous. Nice ass too. Peachy. Anyway we got talking, and I have to say that as he was so pretty, he would be somewhat of an idiot. I know I shouldn't think that, but he's nice looking their should be something up with him right? He was actually pretty intelligent. Which shocked me. Good looking people are usually thick. I of course am the exception, hehe. Just playing folks. Anyway, I tested his knowledge on politics, and books, and current events. I think my sense of humour was lost on him at times. I hate that, when I find something hilarious and then people look at me like I'm a complete retard. He did that a few times, but it was quite a good initial meeting. So a few days later, my friend got in touch and said this guy would like to take me out. I thought about it, but what do I have to lose? I am a single girl after all. So I agreed. I now know why I don't go on dates often.

They are such awkward situations. First of all what to wear? I had a debate with my sister about this, just how much do you show, and how much do you leave to the imagination? Don't get me wrong, there was no way this guy was getting anywhere, but it's nice to feel good about yourself. My sister would have had me dressed like a nun if she had her way. We comprimised. I hid my boobs, and showed my legs. So all was good. He picked me up, and we went for a few drinks and then a meal. Sounds, very civil doesn't it? On my part it was just a comedy of errors. I was not made to date. Have I ever told you how accident prone I am? I have at least two minor accidents a day, and one major accident a week. I don't know why. So I did all the things that us girls do to get ready for a date. Painful some of them

. Looked in the mirror, made sure my boobs were sitting nicely. Made sure my hair was nice, makeup was in place. I went down, twirled for my Mum. Who told me to cover myself up and get a coat on. Now a coat would of just ruined the look I was going for completely. So no coat. Like it would rain or anything. HA. So the guy comes to get me, I think he was hoping to meet my Mum or something. Not in this lifetime chicken. We leave. All is going well, but it is only ten seconds into the date. Then guess what? Yes....I trip. Luckily I didn't fall flat on my face, instead I went one step better. You know when you trip, and you do that dance to save yourself. You know the one, which makes you look ten times worse, and you wish you'd just fall over and get the humiliation over with. He kind of laughed to himself, and asked if I was ok. I wanted to scream 'NOOOOOOOOOO I want the ground to open up, and eat me alive' instead I did what any girl would do in this situation, cursed my shoes, and laughed at myself.

It went well at the pub. Where I live they have a strip of these little wine bars. They are pretty funky. Note to self, don't drink loads on a date, it isn't classy. Now this is where things became awkward. I didn't have a clue what to say to him. Small talk is not my friend. I hate it. I don't particularly care. So when I don't know what to say, I usually go into over talk mode. I told the poor guy my life story. I bored him to death. I could see on several occasions that he was looking at the door like he wanted to make a run for it, I just talked some more. I think after a few beers he kind of blocked me out, and was ok with my constant whining. He insisted on paying for everything. Everything. Which was nice. Though it annoys me slightly. I kind of feel like I owe him something then. I'd prefer to pay my own way. Once he had a few beers, he became quite clingly. That just plain gives me the creeps. So walking down the street he puts his arm around me. At first I wanted to wriggle away, but I fear that is quite impolite, so I tried. I really tried to be nice. We arrive at the restaurant. Now my appetite isn't the best, and I am a really fussy eater, and we go to an Italian restaurant. How can you eat Italian food, without having it all dribbling down your face? This is all I could think of as we went in and sat down. I had this pasta tomato thing. He really pigged out. I think he would of ate everything in the restaruant if he could, and he spoke with his mouth full. Which you know, isn't very polite. This is when I realised we just really didn't click. Just not at all. I asked him questions. It was his turn to go into over talk mode. About everything. He did inform me later on, that there was better ways of making conversation than just a question and answer session, I think he was hinting I was socially retarded. I did want to tell him, if I had thought he was capable of conversation I would of tried that, but I wanted as little food spit on me as possible. Anyway, he believes that people should have open relationships. Men aren't made to be with one woman. Though women are made to be with one man.

Apart from that comment, to me he sounded a bit weedy. He proceeded to tell me how he had never met anyone like me before, and I was just amazing. Now these are things I know, of course, but he'd only known me a few hours, so this lead me to believe he was just a bit wimpy. Maybe I am too harsh, I don't know. I just didn't feel that connection with me. Anyway we came to the end of our meal, and he paid of course. I offered and he told me not to be silly, grrr....and we went outside. Now we had to get a taxi home, so he put me in a taxi first, gentlemanly thing to do I suppose. Before we went our separate ways he leaned in to kiss me. Now I know that at the end of a date, you generally kiss. I just really didn't want to. So I kind of ducked out of the way. Thanked him, and ran to my taxi. Leaving him rather shell shocked. A few days later after speaking to my friend who introduced us, I found out that he was most disappointed at this, and in his words, if he had known he was getting nothing at the end, he wouldn't of paid for it. ARSE. That's men for you I guess.

So, dating is off the agenda for a while, until at least I find my perfect guy, so I thought I might write a lonely hearts ad, just to see what replies I get, how do you reckon this will go....

Lovely lass (ME), looking for old man, pref aged 24 going on 30. Who enjoys working, lots. Some sports, not football. Maybe some martial arts...like taeKwondo. Someone who loves the sound of their own voice more than anybody elses. Someone who speaks their mind, and is far from politically correct. Someone who adores repetitive humour, something alot of the time they only understand. Someone who could blah, blah blah at me all day, and me quite like it. Someone who has a three question rule, can rate their moods on a scale I perfectly understand, and who can be gay anyday of the week. Someone who's opening line is *DJ voice* 1....2....1....2!

Hehe...I'm simple, and weird, yes I know.......so do you think my perfect guy is out there? Who knows, maybe someone who matches all that is reading this right now, and should leave me a smile........I won't hold my breath though!

Comments

Danny Bassette

on Nov 08, 2004

I wish you the best of luck in your search.

Ravenblack

on Nov 08, 2004

Sally, it looks like I found someone who thinks like me about marriage, something like "oh no, then I'll be stuck."

No but seriously, I just haven't found someone that I like enough to be stuck with yet. People are always asking me when, and wondering why I don't go and find my guy. But I'm not like that. It's not like walking in a shop and picking a dress, ya know? (That seems to be how some people are doing it though...try this one, then that one, then this one again and that and that....) I just figure the right one would come along, and then I'll let what will happen, happen.

Just so you know, I really enjoyed reading this article too.

DylanZimmerman

on Nov 08, 2004

I hate dating too! It's so horrible and contrived and awkward. I don't see why you can't just meet someone and let things happen, instead of forcing them to.

That last guy sounded like a real jerk! Sorry you had to a waste a night on him Sal

There are good guys out there Sal..I know that sounds cliche but it's true. I know you're feeling heartbroken right now, but it won't always be that way. You're single and fabulous so don't compromise yourself for some guy who's just so-so. Enjoy the single-life honey, and don't take it all too seriously. Dating is kind of like bowling, stupid as hell, but really quite amusing.

stay safe hon..

Dyl xxx

Sally jacobs

on Nov 08, 2004

I wish you the best of luck in your search.

Thankyou Danny I think I will need it!

It's not like walking in a shop and picking a dress, ya know? (That seems to be how some people are doing it though...try this one, then that one, then this one again and that and that....) I just figure the right one would come along, and then I'll let what will happen, happen.

I agree with you. It just takes time, and at some point that person will come along.

Just so you know, I really enjoyed reading this article too.

I'm glad, thanks

hate dating too! It's so horrible and contrived and awkward

It is just so awkward. I know there is nice guys out there, I just don't know. They don't have that special something, you know what I mean! It is just lighthearted I'll remember tht! Thanks for the support sweety xxxx

Kermit

on Nov 09, 2004

How could he not smile at that?

Floozie

on Nov 09, 2004

What is it with women and not wanting to eat in front of men, do we want them to believe we aren't human, and we don't need the basics to survive, as we are super human of course

Who told me to cover myself up and get a coat on. Now a coat would of just ruined the look I was going for completely. So no coat.

Do you see some sort of incongruence between these two??? It is winter after all! Silly child

Dating - the curse of the modern single girl. How I hate it so. It sounds as though this was one of those stock standard 'I wanted to leave in the first five minutes' disasters that drag out for a few hours. How I hate them.

Good on you for getting back out there though. So it didn't go so well, and you didn't meet the love of your life, but it is a good thing to do. You know, the more dates you go on the better you know how to deal with them. You are getting these words from the master, remember?

Glad to hear you sounding a little more positive babe.

Suz xxx

Trudygolightly

on Nov 09, 2004

Wow! what a fun read! You're brave, dating is alot like eating at a foreign restaurant, you don't know if you're going to like a particular dish, and then what do ya do when you don't like it???
He was quite the ultimate jerk!! you're much better off without that one!!!!
My last "gentleman friend", said things like "you're amazing" and so different from other women", I should have run as far as I could have!!!!!
This not wanting to eat in front of men is such a two edged sword!!!! If we eat with gusto, and really enjoy the food, then "they" say how great that we have a good appetite.....and then call us cows later on if the date didn't work out!
And if we don't eat with appreciation for our meal, they call us much worse names......

My wish for you is that you meet, without the pain of that dating crud, a true gentleman, that treats you well, and respects your "space",
and that will be a friend first, then a love of a lifetime! Hang on! Trudy

Sally jacobs

on Nov 09, 2004

How could he not smile at that?

...I'm sure if someone understands that, they are smiling. Who said I had odd taste.....

I hate it so. It sounds as though this was one of those stock standard 'I wanted to leave in the first five minutes' disasters that drag out for a few hours

It bloody was! I woulda quite happily closed the door in his face!

You know, the more dates you go on the better you know how to deal with them. You are getting these words from the master, remember?

I dunno if I can handle the pain of that Suz. It was traumatic...I need a recovery period at least. How is your dating life anyway? Speedy? Hehe...I'm so simple. How was the hol babe? We'll have to catch up! I tried getting hold of you other day, but loks like we just missed each other, take care sweety, talk soon xxxx

You're brave, dating is alot like eating at a foreign restaurant, you don't know if you're going to like a particular dish, and then what do ya do when you don't like it???

Spit it out and never try it again, hehe! Dating is complicated, there are so many rules, and so much awkwardness. I think I prefer the natural approach.

If we eat with gusto, and really enjoy the food, then "they" say how great that we have a good appetite.....and then call us cows later on if the date didn't work out!And if we don't eat with appreciation for our meal, they call us much worse names......

There's no winning with men, simple as. Though I do love that word 'gusto'. I shall include that in a blog. I like it. We either eat to much or to little. It's our own fault we shouldn't care what they think.

My wish for you is that you meet, without the pain of that dating crud, a true gentleman, that treats you well, and respects your "space", and that will be a friend first, then a love of a lifetime! Hang on

Thankyou Trudy, and it nice to meet you. I wish the same! Hehe...

Thanks for all the comments guys xxx

notsohighlyevolved

on Nov 09, 2004

Don't worry Sal, all my dates have been disastrous failures, even the ones that could have been seen as partially successful in the long run.

I always seem to give out the "I just want to be your friend" vibe. More than anything else it's that which confuses both of us. I know and she knows that this is a date. She acts like it's a date but I don't. She leans in for the kiss and I run off, mumbling something about university the next day even though it's a saturday. Repeat for 6 weeks and then we start getting to know each other.

I figure friends first and then, maybe, lovers. Get rolling drunk with each other first (no expectations); try to impress each other with pseudo-intellectual pursuits for weeks and then laugh hysterically at each other when you both realise you would probably rather stay at home and watch the FOX news channel for the humour factor; spend a sunday together doing fuck all, eating breakfast at 6 in the evening.

If after all this you both start getting that flushed, blushed, frustrated look, if you both start leaning a little bit closer when you're reading the same thing, when you start sitting a little closer together at tables, if both of you start looking at each other biting your bottom lip, THEN is a probably a good time for...you know.

More than anything, dates usually suck because they're dates. Make them anything else and they're more likely to work. If they don't there's less disappointment because nothing was expected, you were just at the same place, at the same time, as someone else.

Marco

AdrianthePatriot

on Nov 09, 2004

I'm sorry to tell you that most of the "perfect people" are already taken. I'll also say that dating is a sucky way to find a special someone. When I first met my wife, we didn't say but 2 words to each other. The next time we met, she needed a ride to a party. I was very attracted to her but so shy I couldn't bring myself to ask her out. I figured I was going to be the asexual guy friend with a car. The next week she calls me out of the blue to ask me to a dinner function. I was stunned. We sat making idle chit-chat and I was pretty sure the night was a flush. We sat in the back seat while my buddy drove and talked incessantly with that sickeningly sweet "couple voice" to his girlfriend. I kept stealing glances at her, the smoothness of her skin, her radiant blue-grey eyes, and that mischievous smile. Finally, I gathered my courage and leaned over to her. To my surprise, she gave me a very passionate kiss on the lips. That was the moment she told me she had feelings ever since she met me. My heart raced as I told her that I cared for her too. The rest is history. I guess I'm trying to say that sometimes you have to seek out that perfect person, and sometimes they'll come to you, but you'll definitely know who and when that is.

Sally jacobs

on Nov 10, 2004

She leans in for the kiss and I run off, mumbling something about university the next day even though it's a saturday. Repeat for 6 weeks and then we start getting to know each other.

You're such a sweety Marco. Dating has this strange effect on people. Makes us into idiots.

I figure friends first and then, maybe, lovers.

I couldn't agree more. For me to be with someone that is anything more than friends I have to have a certain amount of trust for them. So being friends first is a must for me. To have a lover, I want them to be my best friend too. Maybe I am asking for too much. I don't know.

f after all this you both start getting that flushed, blushed, frustrated look, if you both start leaning a little bit closer when you're reading the same thing, when you start sitting a little closer together at tables, if both of you start looking at each other biting your bottom lip, THEN is a probably a good time for...you know.

You're such the romantic, but that sounds perfect. Why can't more people think like that!

More than anything, dates usually suck because they're dates

They hold to many expectations, that is the problem!

I'm sorry to tell you that most of the "perfect people" are already taken.

Ha...I'm not taken, and I'm pretty damn perfect

I'll also say that dating is a sucky way to find a special someone.

I agree. VERY sucky!

That was a lovely story! You two are so lovely, and I am very happy for you both. I guess if it's meant to be, they will find me.

Thankyou both xxx

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