Be warned I make less sense than usual!
You do the same thing, over and over again. Every time you do the task the same way, but each time you expect different results. You still get the same outcome, but this just makes you more determined to change the task, but first you have to change the way you do it. I can't sleep. As usual. I'm not feeling very well. So if this blog is slightly insane, I'm sorry. I feel the need to ramble, and sorry but JU you're it to ramble too. Usually when I write an article it's written out in my head long before hand goes to keyboard and I jot it down. This one is a free flowing one though. Just what I'm thinking. I remember when I first started JU, there was a few blogs about how to write articles about how to be a success. Not a success, but how to write a decent article. Some of the main advice was to just let it flow. When I let it flow, it seems to be a senseless ramble. I never do diary blogs anymore, or hardly ever, so maybe I should give you an insight into what's going on in my life at the moment. You never know it may cure my insomnia.
I start uni in a matter of weeks. I remember when it was months away. My course is changed, to English lit. Hmm, so they sent me information on the course today, and I was reading through it. I'm wondering how far this course is going to get me. I don't mind wasting my time really, but dedicating three years to something, I don't know, dedication isn't my strong point. My A.D.D kicks in, and I get itchy feet. I hope I stick it out, I really do. They offer other courses with it, one of which is internet writing. Hehe, part of that course is teaching you how to write an e-mail, I think that could be the course for me!
The boy is on my mind at the moment. You know what I said about repeating the task over and over but expecting a different result. I sometimes feel that with him. I fear i'm going to ruin a good friendship. A friendship that means alot to me, but I think that I need to face the facts that it is a friendship, he's made that clear to me. So clear. My feelings are involved though, I really care about him. I just think I need to step back, realise a few things, and deal with it. Deal with the truth. Things that maybe I haven't wanted to deal with before. When I really like someone, I'm not very good at articulating my feelings to them, what's it called? Ahh yes emotionally retarded, that would be me! I always think I'm giving someone to much when I show them my feelings, give them to much ammunition. If I'm honest I think he's going to really hurt me. I honestly believe that. Which sucks. Friendships are complicated things. I find it tough to build up friendships with people. I'm ok on the just saying hi in passing level, but real friendships, that's another story. People as a rule bore me. Don't get me wrong, people are wicked, but I'm fussy about who I like, and I find I'm difficult to get along with. I think he finds me difficult to get on with, like I'm really frustrating. I know I am. I like to think it's just a cheekiness about me. I don't know if he sees it like that. In fact I don't know alot of what he thinks anymore. That's what bothers me the most. At one point I could of probably told you, but now I don't know. I have people telling me to leave him alone, that he isn't worth it. That upsets me. Because he is just a friend. They say mean things about him though. I don't like it all. Why do people think that because they care about you they can say these things. I even started to listen at one point, think they were right, but they aren't. I'm not just saying this in a pig headed I know best kind of way. The boy is special to me, he is a good friend, and he means alot to me. Why should I throw that away? My god...I'm waffling! Sorry folks!
On a different note, It's Maddy Mae's christening on Sunday finally! It going to be a nightmare of a day! People I avoid at the best of times, all together in a confined space. Should be fun, especially when they consume to much alcohol. I'm planning on making an early exit. Ok this random waffle has tired me out, so I'm off to sleep! Nanight JU xxxx