No sign of me growing up yet :)
I've been in thoughtful mode alot recently. Thinking about now, and the future, and where I'm going, what I'm doing. All these things should be considered, but not worried about. I wonder about the person I've become. I see my Mum look at me sometimes, and I know she doesn't get me. She doesn't understand my behaviour. I can dig that, because some of the things she does are alien to me. We are just different people, and I know she tries to understand me, and she does that because she loves me. I know that, and as long as I know that, this whole lack of understand won't bother me too much. My sister stayed last night, and though she is a huge pain, and has caused no end of trouble, her and my Mum share this special bond, because they get each other. Similar sense of humour, an understanding that I just don't have. I could hear the relief in my Mums voice that she had my sister there, and she wasn't just stuck with me. I don't say this in the, oh feel sorry for me way. That's not what it's about. I just know my Mum was pleased to have someone about she can relate to, and that's fair play.
I feel lonely at the moment. Not lonely in the way that I have no one around, because there's lots of people. Lonely in the way that I want someone to hold my hand, hug me, tell me everything will be ok. Someone to love me would be nice, and not in the way my family or friends do, but someone to love me for who I am. Someone who finds me so intoxicating they can't get enough of me, they love me no matter what. I'd like that. Someone special, to think I'm special. I've been thinking about it more and more. I want a companion. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not about to go and find random people and test drive them. I'm holding out for that special somone. Because no matter how much I want it, it isn't worth it with the wrong person. We all go through these phases I guess. I will get over it, and I'm sure that special person isn't to far off.
I've always slept with a teddy bear. A single teddy bear. Well he's not a bear, he's a monkey. He wears blue trousers, top and hat. He's had his mouth re-sewn on, and his eyes came to a tragic end when I was about eight, so he has buttons. I love monkey. He's always being known as monkey. I never gave him a name. I've had him since I was a baby. Every tough experience of my life he was there. When I went in hospital, he was there. When I cried at night he was there. I have this big double bed, and I sleep at an angle, so I make like a star shape across the bed. He has his own little corner. Monkey has gone missing though. I packed some things up for moving, and I think he got packed up. He's been gone for over a week. So my Mum has this monkey, that I asked if I could borrow, to take my Monkeys place till I find him. As I said above my Mum already thinks I'm weird, and this didn't help. She gave me her monkey though. Every morning she takes him back, and every night I go and ask for him back. I know I'm strange, at least I know it though.