Women have less sex than their Grans did!

Published on August 7, 2004 By Sally jacobs In Personal Relationships

The title of this just amused me. I've written a few articles about how womens roles are different, and their views to sex are different, so I won't get to far into it. Comments like "Women have less sex than their Grans did" really does bring home just how times of changed. My Mum thinks at twenty one, I should be in a long term relationship, considering settling down, doing all the things she did. She was pregnant with my sister at eighteen, had her second baby at twenty one, and then me when she was twenty nine. She dedicated her life to bringing us up, and making home for my Dad. That's what the majority of her life has been about. There's nothing wrong with that. At all. She has had a lot of joy and good times out of bringing us up. I want more though, I want the career, and the family, eventually. I'm in no rush. I think she thinks I'm wasting time. I just think like alot of women of my generation.

Prima magazine have done a study on this, and there results showed that with the changing roles of ladies. Women are single for longer, and concentrate more on their careers now. In the 1950's women were getting married at 24 and having babies at 25. Now it's married at 28, babies at 29. Also in the 1950's women were more likely to be stay-at-home wives. They concentrated on keeping their husbands happy. They had more regular sex, and concentrated alot harder on making the relationship work. Now we have our own lives and careers to juggle, without worrying about our partners. Women are much more independent.

I don't really know what to make of all this. I much prefer the times we live in now. To think that my role in life would be to keep a man happy, just doesn't do it for me. there is alot more to life. Having said that, maybe there are certain things we can learn from times gone by. Maybe we are truely missing out on more than we realised. Relationships seem to be put on th back burner, until we sort other things out. Maybe they should be more important. A career is good. A social life is good. Independence is good. Love is great.

Comments (Page 2)

AndyBaker

on Aug 08, 2004

I think that the reason why being a mother nowadays is different to being a mother in the 50's is because of the way society has changed, rather than because of how individuals have changed. If a person is cut out for motherhood, and wants the usual family setup in life, they could and should be comfortable to settle down with that, as they did in the 50's.

It is true that the nightlife and clubbing scene seems to be a priority to many girls in their twenties nowadays, and they have the home lifestyle (i.e. husband and kids) later in life. Some girls in their late twenties have been married and divorced, and are now hitting the club scene to catch up with their mates' lifestyle. But I think that in most cases, this has happened because they thought that their previous homely existence didn't fit well with the social mirror, (i.e. their peers hitting the town). I know a few women who had felt jealous of their peers, or resentful of their husbands, because they had felt that they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. However, more often than not, after getting divorced, they soon learnt that clubbing the night away wasn't as fulfilling as they had previously assumed, and they bagan seeking the homely lifestyle again.

Even though society has changed, and is changing so much, it wouldn't surprise me if everything went full circle, and we began wanting to settle down in our early twenties again. However, this time, it would be with more of a balance, (career-wise etc). Women's independance would be key to this balance, as they wouldn't need to rely on the husband as much as they did in the 50's.

Incidentally, because the age of people hitting the town seems to getting lower and lower, (it's now quite common to see 14 or 15 year-old girls dressed up to the nines clubbing along with people in their late-twenties), the youngsters might soon have burned it all out of their system by the time they reach 21 anyway. And would be happy to settle down at an earlier age.

Either way, I don't think that we should be swayed by the 'social mirror', but instead we should be happy with our own lifestyle, and not seek to change it because of things like 'jealousy'. Rather, we should do what we feel best from our heart's reckoning. If that means having three kids by the age of 21, or if it means having less sex than our grandmother, then who cares, as long as we're content?

AndyBaker

on Aug 08, 2004

at twenty one, I should ...

Sally, are you really only 21?

Sally jacobs

on Aug 08, 2004

the youngsters might soon have burned it all out of their system by the time they reach 21 anyway.

I know exactly what you mean with that, form sixteen I was going out with my friends every weekend, and some week nights too, and it gets boring. Going out, week in, week out. Now I'm alot happier just staying in, and chilling out!

I don't think that we should be swayed by the 'social mirror', but instead we should be happy with our own lifestyle, and not seek to change it because of things like 'jealousy'.

The whole point to this is that people are happier doing what is best for them. There is a lot of peer pressure for women to be more independent, to be going out more. We are expected to compete more with men, and I think society looks down more on women who stay at home, that they used to. Don't they realise that, that is just as rewarding if not more so than getting a great career. I tell you, i'll concentrate on my career, but as soon as I have kids, that will be out of the window for me!

Thanks for the comment as always Andy

My wife is a stay at home mom as well, and I am convinced the children reap the rewards off of that decision.

I think there are far more rewards, in regards to familty life. How can the childrens not feel the rewards of so much attention and care.

Sally, are you really only 21?

Yeah I sure am, I turned 21 about a month ago

AndyBaker

on Aug 08, 2004

Yeah I sure am, I turned 21 about a month ago

My, you have a mature head on your shoulders. You've just surprised me.

Sally jacobs

on Aug 08, 2004

My, you have a mature head on your shoulders. You've just surprised me

Hehe, I'll take that as a compliment, thanks Andy!

lifehappens

on Aug 08, 2004

Stay at home motherhood is a choice. There were a large number of "unfulfilled women" in our Grandmother's era who didn't feel happy in the role that society placed upon them. It is very easy to romanticise the past, but the truth of the matter is, many women felt pressured into a life they didn't want or didn't feel they could live up to. The images we have of the "perfect 50s housewife" was not very realistic. At least now we have the choice of home and kids or work or work and kids or some other variation.

That being said. I am all in favor of the "50s" life where Mom stays home and raises the kids and Dad goes out and has the job. i think kids need a parent AT HOME especially during the younger years. I'm very happy with the choices I've made to be a mom full time (at least the majority of the time-I still have hobbies and teach yoga)

i understand that my chosen sterotype may not be an option due to finances, single parenthood (which I think is a bad idea to intentionally choose) or various other circumstances. I still think it is the most stable enviornment for a family. Yet, having an option allows peope to know that they wanted this choice and they can be happier in the end because it is not placed on them as the only way of life.

on Aug 09, 2004

Some of the most fulfilled, inspired, energetic and wise women I know, are those who have raised children and kept house for there husbands. In later life, after there children have grown and they have more time to spend in other pursuits, these women are the ones who, having been tempered and refined in the fires of family life, having had to sacrifice personal ambition for the sake of children (and husbands) now have the grace and maturity to have a lasting impact in lives around them. Whether that be in a new career, or in there social environment, or church.
I think that being a stay at home mother, while it chafes at some personalities more than others, is one of the most rewarding experiences a women can have. To be honest, as a man I love children, and if I happen to marry a women who already has a deeply involving career I would like to think that I would be prepared to do the stay home part myself and serve her and any children that come along.
I think that when we think of 'stay at home' we think to much of the house as a prison, a place we are tied to until our children grow up, and we are so old that we need a walking stick to get around

And no doubt in times of frustration this would seem true, but it's not the end. Your home is a base of operations, your solid ground that you can always come back to, and there is a whole community, a whole world out there which you can still touch and impact as a mother, your not bound, you are merely anchored to a safe mooring so that you never lose site of who you are, (a bearer of new life) and your awesome purpose (to raise and nurture your children and instill in them the values that will stay with them the rest of there lives). I don't know about you, but I think mothers, and women by definition, have the best job description, the most rewarding occupation in the world!

I envy stay at home mothers, the simple joys and pleasures and the fulfillment they will experience. I don't envy those who go down the path of a career, because I can do that myself! I think that womens true independence, there true defining differences and what makes them so much better than us men, are apparent in motherhood. I can easily understand how women get caught up in there careers, in wanting to be independant and not have to rely on another. I still cheer these women on, and say make the most of what you have set out to do. But my honour, respect and love goes out to those women who sacrifice there ambitions, put them on hold for a time, to devote themselves to there children, and love of there husbands.

Sally jacobs

on Aug 10, 2004

There were a large number of "unfulfilled women" in our Grandmother's era who didn't feel happy in the role that society placed upon them.

Thank you for the comment, I see what you're saying, and no matter what part of our lives we are in, or what generation we are from, the grass will always be greener. These women were not satisifed in that ALL they did was stay at home, and look after the house and family. They didn't have the social options we do now. Women can do alot more now and the balance is so much easier to achieve than it was then.

where Mom stays home and raises the kids and Dad goes out and has the job. i think kids need a parent AT HOME especially during the younger years.

I agree, children need that stability, whether it is Mummy or Daddy.

having an option allows peope to know that they wanted this choice and they can be happier in the end because it is not placed on them as the only way of life.

Exactly, time provides us with more paths to choose, everyone will evebtually find a path that suits them and their family.

Some of the most fulfilled, inspired, energetic and wise women I know, are those who have raised children and kept house for there husbands.

It certainly suits some woment that is correct. How can anyone not get satisfaction out of seeing their child grow. They are some of the most rewarding moments ever. i agree a career pales in signifance next to such things. However I can understand why women feel trapped at home at times. When you have a new born baby, and are suffering from lack of sleep, when it is a major operation to just leave the house. When you don't have the mental stimulation of other adults. When you hear friends discussing their careers, and what they up to. I understand how home can feel like prison, though it does only last for a short time.

I think that womens true independence, there true defining differences and what makes them so much better than us men, are apparent in motherhood

That is a beautiful thing to say. Thanks for the comments!

KarmaGirl

on Aug 12, 2004

In the 1950's women were getting married at 24 and having babies at 25. Now it's married at 28, babies at 29. Also in the 1950's women were more likely to be stay-at-home wives. They concentrated on keeping their husbands happy. They had more regular sex, and concentrated alot harder on making the relationship work. Now we have our own lives and careers to juggle, without worrying about our partners. Women are much more independent.

I'm not sure where they got that women were getting married at 24 back in the 50's. I would guess that it was more like before 20. There were still many family run farms that depended on large families to maintain. I know quite a few women from that time period that were married before they were 18.

Also, I'm not sure where the figure of women getting married at 28 and having babies at 29 came from. Most of the married women I know got married in their mid 20's. I got married at 23 and had my daughter at 26. (Most people get out of college at 22-23).

It's really hard to compare the 50's to now (heck women only had the right to vote for 30 years at that time). The economy has changed a lot, and so has the views of women. Women are supposed to be "super mom" now. We should hold a full time career (not just a job, but a career), take care of the house, take care of the children, and still have time for school functions, socializing, and spending time with the hubby. Too much stress. But, too many times you hear people say "she is just a stay at home Mom" like that is a bad thing. People in general have too big of a "grass is greener on the other side" idea.

To tell you the truth, I think that the world would be better if Mom's went back to the 50's way of life. Stay home with the kids so you know what they are doing. Take care of the house and make life comfortable and less stressful for everyone. Ever see that "Good Wife's Guide" from the 50's? It's actually fake, but what it says is right on for that time. Heck, my Mom has an old cookbook from the 60's which tells you how to be a good wife. My home economics (I'm sure they have some "PC" term for that now) teacher in middle school (80's) taught that women should be "presentable" to their husbands at all times.

Here's a question: why is it that most women don't wear dresses or skirts anymore?

AndyBaker

on Aug 12, 2004

why is it that most women don't wear dresses or skirts anymore?

It depends on which age you look at. There's plenty of early-twenties girls that wear skirts on the train that I catch in the morning. The older they get, the more likely they are to wear trousers, or so it seems. Any ideas why that might be?

Which country are you from KarmaGirl?

Sally jacobs

on Aug 12, 2004

I would have to agree Karma, that I'm not sure where they'd got these results from, but I'm guessing it would be young on both counts too.

Women are supposed to be "super mom" now. We should hold a full time career (not just a job, but a career), take care of the house, take care of the children, and still have time for school functions, socializing, and spending time with the hubby.

There's just so much to balance now, that it is difficult. Being a Mother is a huge job in its self, without all the extras that are expected now.

I think that the world would be better if Mom's went back to the 50's way of life. Stay home with the kids so you know what they are doing. Take care of the house and make life comfortable and less stressful for everyone.

For society as a whole it would be better. To give kids a full time parent, who just concentrated on them, and their home life, how could they not benefit?

Here's a question: why is it that most women don't wear dresses or skirts anymore?

I think Andy has it to a point, it does depend on age. Though i think female see it as more than that in cases. There were points in time when they weren't allowed to wer trousers. They are now celebrating a much more male role in society, and this must have a little to do with it at least!

trina_p

on Aug 12, 2004

I have to say I wear Jeans ALOT because we walk everywhere and the only great walking shoes I have that match my clothes (Yes I'm a girl) are my black leather school shoes
However whenever I know we're going somewhere in a car I will revel in not wearing my school shoes and depending on the weather I won't wear jeans but I may wear black or other type of pants -- because its WINter!!! and it's COLD -- (and I'm really lazy when it comes to leg hair in winter - hey no one can see your legs when they're under 1 or 2 pairs of pants)

I love skirts and dresses -- but these days the dresses they make for women my age aren't really appropriate for just going shopping -- they're party/cocktail dresses and with a baby who goes to those?!!?
And the skirt style for my age group (and size) is just gross -- its those mini-mini skirts that my 16yo sister -- I have a hard time finding a nice mid length skirt -- they're either ankle length (and paisley - like hippy) or 30cm above the knee -- which just isn't me (and it isn't appropriate for a mother)

Plus Pants are comfortable -- jeans, tailored pants, crepe pants, linin, pinstripe -- they make pants for every occassion -- work and casual and party -- and you don't have to worrry about skirt length ankle/knee crossing -- sitting under a desk like at a reception desk with a glass front like at the place I used to work it was a good idea to wear pants.

AndyBaker

on Aug 13, 2004

Trina, being an English bloke, (and obviously an immature one at that), I can't help but smile at the use of the words "pants" in that last post. Pants, in England, means underwear, normally men's tacky Y-fronts. So I hope you can appreciate the different slant your comments hold for us English. A good post though

Sally jacobs

on Aug 13, 2004

Trina you really make me giggle! I know exactly where you're coming from though. It is difficult to wear a skirt because of the things you do. I do enjoy wearing a skirt now again. I'm the same in winter though, I say letthat hair grow baby! Hehe! I think it's nice to dress up now and again though. Skirts make me feel sexy! Though I never wear dresses, I hate them with a passion!

I can't help but smile at the use of the words "pants" in that last post. Pants, in England, means underwear, normally men's tacky Y-fronts.

......we understood you though Trina, and I even call them Pants myself!

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