"Conversation should be pleasant without scurrility, witty without affectation, free without indecency, learned without conceitedness, novel without falsehood."
a nice place to be?
Published on August 3, 2004 By Sally jacobs In Personal Relationships
If I'm honest I have to say I'm a bit of a Daddies girl. I love my Dad. The only man that will never let me down right? My Dad is the most laid back guy I know. I suppose living with four women he has had to be. He avoids arguments at all costs. He does as he's told, and it's all in aid of an easy life. My Dad became my Mums pet a long time ago. She says jump, and he says, "how high?" Maybe I'm exaggerating slightly, but only slightly. At the moment my Parents are decorating the house, an experience, I am hiding from, rather than embracing, because before the last bit of decorating is completed, there will be a murder committed in my family. It's like war. Grrr.....and I was listening to my Mum basically boss my Dad about, do this, do that, you're not doing it right. She sounds awful, and I always feel to defend him. Sometimes I do. The scary thing is, I think he quite likes it. My Dad likes being under the thumb. He likes my Mums mothering way towards him, that having to make decisions about things is taken away from him. You see he is clever. Because he will roll over for so long, and let my Mum think she is getting her own way, but when it comes to things that really matter, or he is really bothered about. Boy can he put his foot down. He can get his own way, but he pays the price by putting up with the rest of the crap that goes with it.

I was an avid watcher of Richard and Judy on This Morning. You will probably have no idea who I'm talking about. Married couple who did a morning TV show, Richard is like an old woman, who has an opinion on absolutely everything, and rarely lets Judy speak, but how I loved them. Anyway, on their show once, was some guy, and he said in a wife, men wanted the three M's. Which are a Mother, a Mistress, and a Mrs. Is this correct boys? Because from what I have seen and come across it appears to be. Someone to look after them, someone to be dirty with, and someone to be their partner. Someone to love them. I'm not saying women don't want certain things too, but it appears to be so more obvious with men.

It seems to start to happen when they get married. Most single young guys I come across, say they will never be tied down to a woman, and she will never take his freedom, but when that marriage happens, things seem to change. I'm sure this is not the case for all married couples, but the majority of the people I know who are married it is the case. Is it because women are supposedly the homemakers, so all household decisions generally fall to them. That many of the decisions when it comes to kids, go down to them. Somehow the man becomes an extra child huh.

I see myself act like this with my Dad, be bossy, and a general pain. I just hope I don't turn into my Mum, she can be scary! I like men that are challenging. That will say no to me, and aren't so easy. If I had a bloke that was just lovely, and nice, I'd walk all over him. I know that, and I'd hate myself for it, but if he let me do it I would. Why is we do that? I really don't understand it. Why can't we just appreciate nice men for what they are, nice men. We get the difficult ones, and we only attempt to break them down anyway. Change them, to fit us. Then we marry them, and we become dominating ladies. Hehe, I'm massively generalizing here. Not everyone is like that, but I do see it as a pattern that occurs alot.

Do men find some kind of comfort being under the thumb? Do women like to feel power over men? Am I insane? Answers on a postcard plz...hehe!

Comments
on Aug 03, 2004
Anyway, on their show once, was some guy, and he said in a wife, men wanted the three M's. Which are a Mother, a Mistress, and a Mrs. Is this correct boys? Because from what I have seen and come across it appears to be. Someone to look after them, someone to be dirty with, and someone to be their partner. Someone to love them.


With my first two husbands, I think the three Ms were Mother, Mistress and Maid. Fortunately, with this one, he was looking for Mistress and Mrs., and neither of us feel the need to look for a parental figure. I am MUCH happier this way than I ever imagined possible.
on Aug 03, 2004
I'd love to say that both partners should be equal in relationships but that's just too idealistic I know. Every relationship I've had bar one the guy has been dominant, I think probably because i didnt have any self esteem up until recently, and let them walk all over me. There can be something nice about letting someone else take control but its also destructive. I felt like I never got to be my own person. From what I remember anyway my mom was always more dominant over my dad when I was growing up. When I was very young I remember everything as being very equal and happy, but later she got really pushy and unhappy. Honestly I don't have too much faith in marriages ever working out, probably cuz I've seen my mom have two fall apart on her and almost everyone I know has divorced parents. I know some do work, but I think they are rare, in my experience at least.

Excellent article honey. Hope you're feeling better and things are starting to work out on the family front. I'm here if you need rant remember!! Talk soon

Dyl xx
on Aug 03, 2004
Oh goody.. I'm the first guy to respond... hmmm... I could see maybe a mix of all 3 for what we want yes Such as A Mrs. for the majority of the time, to joke with, to do things with, etc.... A mother for the times we're sick or depressed and just want consulation... and a mistress... well I'm sure I don't have to go over that part....

Yeah some men don't mind being uhm.. dominated... but others want to be the dominators.. it all depends on their station in life and how they chose to live it.

Really I just woke up.. and the cogs in the brain just aren't ticking too fast so I can't add much more..

Good article though. It does show one perspective on things.
on Aug 03, 2004
and neither of us feel the need to look for a parental figure. I am MUCH happier this way than I ever imagined possible.


I think things need to be equal, at least balanced out. It's so hard to find someone you get that with though. Everyone appears to be looking for different things.

A Mrs. for the majority of the time, to joke with, to do things with, etc.... A mother for the times we're sick or depressed and just want consulation... and a mistress... well I'm sure I don't have to go over that part....


I think women want these things to do, just in different ways. Maybe we aren't so different after all huh!

Really I just woke up.. and the cogs in the brain just aren't ticking too fast


...do they ever tick that fast?

Thanks for the comments guys!
on Aug 03, 2004
It does show one perspective on things.


And it's a good perspective too. 3 M's - wonderful! Sums up exactly what I'm looking for.

I'm too half-soaked and dizzy most of the time, and 'Mother-figure' would be nice to keep me on track with the more cerebral things in life. I feel naughty and horny plenty of times, and 'Mistress figure' would be just what the doctor ordered. I like to share whatever I've got in life, whether it be a home, cuddles, or good conversation. 'Mrs. figure' would be just the ticket for that.

"Mmm", now wouldn't that be nice. So what three letter are you lasses looking for in a bloke?

I just hope I don't turn into my Mum


Sally, there is an old saying that when a bloke looks at his wife's mother, he can see just what he's got coming. From what you said about your mother, I trust that you can prove it wrong babe!
on Aug 03, 2004
And it's a good perspective too. 3 M's - wonderful! Sums up exactly what I'm looking for.


Yay, I can be right sometimes huh!

"Mmm", now wouldn't that be nice. So what three letter are you lasses looking for in a bloke?


Mmm, hehe I like it! If only we knew what we wanted when it came to men, that would be a start!

From what you said about your mother, I trust that you can prove it wrong babe!


I hope so....I really do! She has her good points to though
on Aug 03, 2004
A young girl should always respect and love her father, it is God's will and is advertised in the Bible. Scientific studies show that little girls that do not respect their fathers grow up to be big dykes.
on Aug 03, 2004
A young girl should always respect and love her father, it is God's will and is advertised in the Bible. Scientific studies show that little girls that do not respect their fathers grow up to be big dykes.


More BS.....my oldest daughter may still love her father, but respect is another ballgame. He allowed his stepdaughter to molest our daughter, then hired a lawyer to protect the molestor's interests, and separated himself from our daughter....he called her a liar, he accused our son of being the actual molestor.....he has lied to and about our children on a multitude of occasions.....he shirks his responsibilities at every turn....he hasn't seen them since last October, or spoken to them in almost two months. IMO, he is not a role model of any sort for her and he doesn't deserve her respect. BUT that doesn't mean that she is going to become a homosexual, for heaven's sake. She is very much interested in the opposite sex, and looking forward to being old enough to go on dates.
on Aug 03, 2004

A young girl should always respect and love her father, it is God's will and is advertised in the Bible. Scientific studies show that little girls that do not respect their fathers grow up to be big dykes.

Sir, I like you! A witty bloke. (And don't worry, I'm not a faggot).

BUT that doesn't mean that she is going to become a homosexual


Sweetheart, I think Sir was joking. Unless he wasn't. But I think he was. Your post sounds serious. How long after meeting this fella did you to realise that he was a shady character? I'm just intrigued.
on Aug 03, 2004
How long after meeting this fella did you to realise that he was a shady character? I'm just intrigued.


Who, me or the father of her daughter?
on Aug 03, 2004
Sir, I like you! A witty bloke.


It has been said many times before, but thank you for going over this again.

Sweetheart, I think Sir was joking.


Another one bites the dust as they might say!
on Aug 03, 2004
Another good blog Sally!

Ok – I have a question; do you think your dad is happy in this relationship? Do you know what kind of person your father was before he met and fell ‘under the thumb’ of your mother?

I am sure he loves your mum, of this I have no doubt, but I hold the personal opinion that men who do everything the woman tells them is perhaps a little crushed in the spirit.

I know we all say that a woman will never take our freedom, but ideally, I would never go out with a woman who has an agenda of changing me… the best relationships are two separate entities becoming one, not one entity controlling the other…

I would be more than willing to settle down for life with one lady, I am not afraid of commitment, but as far as being under the thumb, I think I can confidently state that I will never be told what to do, without a degree of objectivity… it’s all good though, my ideal girl would never dream of keeping me at home away from my mates, but by the same token, I wouldn’t mind spending my night with my ideal girl, even if it meant sacrificing a night with my mates!

Life is all about balance, and this picture you are painting for me here, shows no balance, It happens all the time though… You father obviously loves your mother, and will do anything to please her… I just wonder if your mum sees what you do… hmm…

Hehe… I think I am stealing some of your waffling capabilities babe!

BAM!!!
on Aug 04, 2004
Sweetheart, I think Sir was joking.


Petey IS a joke....and has no idea what he's talking about 99.9% of the time.

How long after meeting this fella did you to realise that he was a shady character? I'm just intrigued.


He didn't actually begin to act the jerk until I'd known him for about 8 yrs.....five of which we were married (until I got tired of being his mommy). Then he met his current wife, who DELIGHTS in running his life, and has listened to her every word ever since....
on Aug 04, 2004
by the same token, I wouldn’t mind spending my night with my ideal girl, even if it meant sacrificing a night with my mates!


That's the sign of a healthy relationship - when you can happily do what the other might prefer, without feeling pressured or forced. The manipulative ones are more likely to drive their partners away, which is a bit ironic. After all, aren't they meant to be more skilled at controlling and manipulating?

Freedom, trust and self-security are more powerful tools, in my opinion. Then again, some people like to have a partner who is jealous, possessive and manipulative. It makes them feel 'wanted'. Nowt wrong with that, I suppose. But there must be a better way to feel wanted.
on Aug 04, 2004
Ok – I have a question; do you think your dad is happy in this relationship? Do you know what kind of person your father was before he met and fell ‘under the thumb’ of your mother?


My Dad is happy I think. I'd at least like to think that. When my sisters were young he wasn't like that, I think my Mum has softened him over the years!

I wouldn't expect you to let a lady change you Mugz, but I am sure over time she will soften you! It is about balance you're correct, and my Mum doesn't see what I do at all, she thinks she is hard done by, and I defend my Dad to much!

I think I am stealing some of your waffling capabilities babe


It would appear so, I am the waffle queen though!