Well the weekend is finally over, and i can quite happily say I am glad. I don't know what's wrong with me at the moment. I'm seriously lacking something, I'm just not to sure what that is. I've had a headache for two days solid, nothing will shift it, I think it's the heat. We've had some lovely weather here this weekend, I'm not used to it! My poor legs even got a showing this weekend, in hope of getting a sun tan, I can at least hope, though I know very well I won't go brown, that would be just far to attractive for me. I've been really moody this weekend too. I seriously don't know what my problem is, people just wind me up. For no particular reason, I get all grumpy, and think just leave me alone, I guess I'm just a bit of a misery. I've been wanting to blog all weekend, I had so much to say, but due to a lack of time, and lack of ability to string a sentence together, I decided against it. I seem to be having that problem now. Just so much to say, but such little time.
My family are really upsetting me, I promised myself I wouldn't blog about this, but it's not nice. I hope if I write about it, it may make me feel better. My Mum and sister have always been close, even through all the bad stuff she has done my Mum stands by her. It's understandable, it's her kid, what do I expect for her to just walk away? After everything that's gone on, I haven't forgiven my sister, we don't speak, or interact, or pretend we care about each other. Maybe it sounds harsh, but I'm sick of just letting her walk back in my life when it suits her, and forgive her for everything she's done because she's feeling down or whatever. You see she is completely on her arse at the moment. She's living in a dive, that she hates, but because she wastes her money on drugs she has no other option. She has nothing. So at the moment, she is feeling sorry for herself, and acting like she needs us. As soon as we help her, and get her back on her feet, yet again, she will go back to the old way of life. Maybe I'm heartless. I don't know. In my opinion she has had it easy for far to long, she needs to learn the hard way. I refuse to back down on this. Fortunately for my sister the rest of my family aren't as awful as me. They feel sorry for her, are considering letting her move back home, because she's promised she'll change. At the moment I'm the bad guy. According to everyone else, I should forgive her. My Mum is barely speaking to me, until I speak to my sister. They are so close, and one of the main reasons I'm finding it so hard to forgive my sister on this occasion is because of my Mum.
Not long before my sister left, she had huge issues with my Mum. When she's high on drugs she hates my Mum, it's my Mum that gets it mostly in the neck. One day we were all out and I came home to find my Mum hysterical, totally upset at the things my sister had done. My Mum may be able to forgive that. I can't. My Mum told me I had to, but walking into my Mum crying, all because of her, no I'm not having that. Anyway, my Mum is giving me the cold shoulder along with the rest of the family, till I forgive my big sister. I'm to pig headed to back down just yet. I wish my Mum would hug me. There's been so many occasions the last few days where I've needed a hug, and there's no one there to give me one, that sucks. In the big wide world, I know you have to act like an adult, but does it sound really childish if I say, I just want my Mum?
We're not even that close at the best times, but she loves me, and looks out for me. I just feel kind of lonely at the moment. I must be going soft in my old age. Or maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places. I feel like crying, but I can't. I don't think it would help anyway. I so need to toughen up. I mean I go on like I know the harsh realities of the world, and I'm writing a blog about wanting a hug from my Mum. What is going on. Sorry folks, I'll come back later when I'm making more sense. Hope you all had a good weekend x