Divorce...all about the money?

It should be about the morals!

Published on July 12, 2004 By Sally jacobs In Current Events

I shouldn't read newspapers, as they seem to only have the ability to make me mad, even the sports pages are doing it to me now! Before I start this blog let me just say, i am not against marriage, i've covered this subject before, but I'll say it again. Marriage is a beautiful thing between two people who love each other, who plan on being together till their dying days, who worship the ground each other walk on, who can't bare to be apart. Then yes marriage is a beautiful thing. It is entered all to lightly now though, divorce comes far to easy. I've never being married, and I don't really have much intention of ever doing so. To me it's just a piece of paper that doesn't mean an awful lot anymore, I can declare that love for someone without having that piece of paper to wave in peoples faces. Divorce is a difficult process I'm aware of this, all parties suffer, as do children if they are part of the equation, and it generally isn't a nice experience for anyone. It shouldn't be like that, it shouldn't boil down to who gets what, how much this partner has, how much I suffered in the marriage, and therefore how much compensation should I get for that suffering! Grrr...you know what? You entered into that marriage with your eyes open, you took them vows, you said it was forever, and now you're arguing over how much you should be paid off to walk away, oooh it makes me mad! I said in another article that love makes the world go round not money, but it would seem even love is getting corrupted for the money.

So I looked up some stats for divorce, just to see if I was in my own little way over reacting, after reading the article that I will get on to soon...here goes....

Divorce Statistcs in the United States

In 1998 2.2 million couples married and 1.1 million couples divorced.
In 2000 58 million couples were married, yet separated.
In 2000 there were over 21 million divorces.Divorce Statistcs United States
People between the ages of 25 to 39 make up 60% of all divorces.
Over one million children are affected by divorce each year.
Approximately 1/3 of divorced parents remain bitter and hostile several years after the divorce.DiDivorce Statistcs United States vorce Statistcs United States
In 1990 the average female age for re-marriage after divorce was 30.6 years; for males, 33.7 years of age.Divorce Statistcs United States
In 1990 the average female age for a second divorce was 37.3 years; for males, 40.4 years of age.Divorce Statistcs United States
More people are part of second marriages today than first marriages.
One-quarter of all Americans have experienced at least one divorce.
Divorce statistics are generally calculated by comparing the number of divorces with the number of marriages in a given time period.

In the United States in 1999 there were 8.4 marriages and 4.2 divorces per 1,000 total population. Divorce Statistcs United States
Thus it can be seen that in 1999 there was one divorce for every two marriages in the United States, a "crude" divorce rate of 50%. The Rutgers National Marriage Project (marriage.rutgers.edu) bases their review of divorce trends on the number of marriages per 1000 unmarried women 15 years of age or older, and the number of divorces per 1000 married women in the same age bracket. Divorce Statistcs United States
This look at divorce in relation to the population of marriageable age rather than the population as a whole produces a slightly lower divorce rate.Divorce Statistcs United States
However they note, "Overall, the chances remain very high?close to 50 percent?that a marriage started today will end in either divorce or permanent separation."Divorce Statistcs United States

More people are in their second marriage rather than their first? Fifty percent of the population are divorced? I guess they pretty much speak for themselves. I realise times are changing, people are having children younger, the womans role is changing. She is no longer expected to be just a wife, she goes out and has her own life, and doesn't stay at home with the children, and look after her husbands every need. People have more options in todays society, and that is a good thing, we are evolving everyday. Not everything about our new found freedom is good though. It means children are living in single parent families, are spending weekends travelling between parents houses, watching their parents fight, being caught in the middle of a battle, that is worth what exactly? I'm not saying divorce is wrong, if two people aren't happy together then by all means you should be separate, it isn't fair to children to live with people that don't love each other and just end up resenting each other, it's not nice for anyone involved, but I just wish people would think a little more before entering into marriage, they are cheapening it for other people. Don't go into it thinking well if this doesn't work out there's always divorce, think this is the person I'm spending the rest of my life with.

Which leads me on to Mr Ray Parlour Link who is a footballer here in England, he earns aroun 1.2million a year for kicking a ball about. An awful lot of money. Now I could go on about how this is far to much money for someone to get paid, in comparison with say doctors, who actually save peoples lives, but we've allowed them that status. No one else, we go out and buy the merchandise, pay the money to go and watch them play, it is alot of money, but we allow it to be like that, and as this article shows he is getting what his big pay packet deserves. His wife is currently having a hard time of it, in some parts of it in the British press, she has being labelled as some what of a money grabber, and poor Ray parlour how will he survive on his £800,000 a year, the poor man might starve! Now as I said I don't agree with it coming down to the money, this woman thinks she should be paid for all the support she gave him while he was starting his career. Well actually no, that's what happens when you enter into the contract of marriage, it's about support and love etc. I do however think he should pay for his children and support his wife. Maybe she put her career on the sideline for his, maybe she did stay at home and look after the children, and she is getting alot of money for simply being married to him, but he gets paid an awful lot of money for simply playing football, so I think that he is getting what he deserves. He earns alot of money, and he is just paying out the same amount the average joe would in his situation. His wife is getting a hard time, but we don't know the full situation, and why shouldn't she try and get what she can, when she's left witht he kids, while he goes off doing whatever. They both broke the contract of the marriage, so someone wasn't going to end up unhappy. I think the biggest shame is for the kids, who will see this very public battle, and they are probably still wondering why Mummy and Daddy don't love each other anymore, I feel they should be remembered alot more at this time, the money will eventually run out, and then what will they be left with?

Comments

David St Hubbins

on Jul 12, 2004

Great article. Maybe we spend too much time discussing stuff that doesn't matter rather than the really important issues our societies face.

Castle

on Jul 12, 2004

Very interesting, thought provoking article. Personally, I thought the divorce rate was much higher than 50% now. I have a hard time remembering which friends and relatives are still on their first marriage........sad I know. I've been raising my 9 year old son solo for almost 8 years now and still remember my ex-wife's last words to me before she untied the knot. "There are more important things out there than love and I don't want to miss out on them". We haven't heard from her since. Once the shock of my situation subsided, I finally realized what she meant by that statement. Our marriage was little more than a business transaction and when our marriage stock price (my salary) didn't rise at an acceptable pace for her, she dumped the stock. I took a close look at myself to see where I was lacking and became even more perplexed. I was/am a very stable middle class guy that stays fit and always put my family (wife/son) first. I can't think of anything that I should or shouldnt have done to avoid this.My lawyer advised me that since she had no interest in being part of my son's life, it was better to just let go because it would cost more in my state to force her to contribute to his upbringing than to just do it myself. Were the roles reversed, I'd be a dead-beat dad running from a lynch mob. I would like to see some outdated laws fixed to correct this loophole.
Of course, I'd much rather see people take marriage to be more than the paper its written on and put some effort into keeping it that way.

Poetmom99

on Jul 12, 2004

Divorce is a difficult process I'm aware of this, all parties suffer, as do children if they are part of the equation, and it generally isn't a nice experience for anyone. It shouldn't be like that, it shouldn't boil down to who gets what, how much this partner has, how much I suffered in the marriage, and therefore how much compensation should I get for that suffering!

I've been through two divorces, as well as the divorce of my parents, and none of them were of the type you describe above. They were all relatively civil, everybody took what they came in with, the court set the child support based on the income of the parents, and that was that. No arguing, no fighting over STUFF or children....just thirty minutes in a court room and a couple of signatures.

but I just wish people would think a little more before entering into marriage, they are cheapening it for other people.

I don't agree....IMO, no one else's marriage/divorce influences mine, nor should mine influence anyone else's.

Kayles

on Jul 12, 2004

Well then you were lucky. My divorce was HELL! My ex quit his job so that he wouldn't have to pay as much child support. His lawyer knew that he wasn't fit as a parent so they got some of HIS friends to get on the stand and lie about me so that it could look like he deserved just as much parenting time as me. My son is still going to play therapy, and it's been 3 years. He uses the kids as leverage and they come home saying something like, Mom you spend all of our money, so dad won't give it to you. Which isn't true! I'm totally over my ex, but I will have to put up with his anticts until I can afford to take him to court. He started abusing me on our HONEYMOON night! It just got worse and worse from there. I definitely made the right decision to divorce him, and I won't regret any of my decisions because I wouldn't have my beautiful kids!

Castle

on Jul 12, 2004

I don't agree....IMO, no one else's marriage/divorce influences mine, nor should mine influence anyone else's.

Poetmom99 I'm finding more and more that this is an exception and not the rule.
I have a 35 year old friend at work theat constantly watches reality shows. I asked her why she likes them so much. Her reply was " I hate them but everyone else watches them so I thought I'd join the crowd". Ummmmm......okay ---- sign me up as an exception

Sally jacobs

on Jul 12, 2004

Maybe we spend too much time discussing stuff that doesn't matter rather than the really important issues our societies face.

Thanks David! I think that's called sociology, right, hehe!

"There are more important things out there than love and I don't want to miss out on them".

That just makes me pity her, it really does. She will end up a sad lonely old woman, and it will be no ones fault but her own. She's missing out on watching her son grow, all the precious moments, she really is the loser in that situation, no one, else. Your son has a parent that loves him, and thats all he needs.

Poetmom you raise a valid point, not all divorces are like that, but when a relationship is coming to an end, there are in most cases, not all, feelings of hurt and pain, and this can lead to hurtful behaviour towards each other.

I don't agree....IMO, no one else's marriage/divorce influences mine, nor should mine influence anyone else

No your marriage or divorce does not directly influence anyone elses, but it just adds to them statistics out there, that lets people know that the option of divorce is there, and it's making the vows people take of marriage more and more worthless. I'm not saying divorce is wrong, just the majority of people getting divorced is.

My son is still going to play therapy, and it's been 3 years. He uses the kids as leverage and they come home saying something like, Mom you spend all of our money, so dad won't give it to you.

Grrr....what an arse! Using your kids against you is the lowest of the low, some people truely don't deserve to be parents, especially when they just see their kids as porns, to get one up on people.

He started abusing me on our HONEYMOON night! It just got worse and worse from there. I definitely made the right decision to divorce him, and I won't regret any of my decisions because I wouldn't have my beautiful kids!

Another frog huh hunny, and even though he has given you all this trauma, he's also given you the most beautiful gift he possible could, so in that respect you are very lucky!

I'm finding more and more that this is an exception and not the rule

Nicely put

Floozie

on Jul 12, 2004

I was reading about that case - it was an amazing settlement. 30% of his income for the rest of his or her life? Plus a couple of houses. Gee - divorce could be a really good business to get into

Divorce is such a tricky issue. I don't have much experience with it, as my folks are still together as are most of my friend's folks, which is very odd for this day and age. I know some people who blame their parents' divorce for everything that's gone wrong in their lives to people who have been completely unaffected by it. One friend who is divorced herself has said that she has had break ups which were more painful than her divorce. I'm with you on the marriage being unnecessary front, so I haven't given divorce much thought at all.

It is sad that at the end of what would have once been a wonderful romance, it is reduced to a case of checks and balances, of 'No, that's mine' and 'I'll see you in court'. But it is necessary as well. The disentanglement of two lives can never be an easy process.

Interesting article!

Sally jacobs

on Jul 13, 2004

30% of his income for the rest of his or her life?

She gets about that, but only for the next four years then it's reviewed.

Thanks for the comment hunny, it is difficult, and when to people become so involved and the separate it's understandable things can get a little messy, but using it as blame is just an easy option I think. Lots of people have gone through it and come out the other side fine!

It is sad that at the end of what would have once been a wonderful romance, it is reduced to a case of checks and balances, of 'No, that's mine' and 'I'll see you in court'

It's very sad, but the end of relationships generally is.

Thanks for the comment hunny bunny!

Poetmom99

on Jul 14, 2004

30% of his income for the rest of his or her life?

At the moment, I get 20% of each ex's income for child support....five more years for one, and 7 more years for the other.....and here in the States, that percentage varies from state to state, and depends on the amount of children to be supported.

Sally jacobs

on Jul 14, 2004

At the moment, I get 20% of each ex's income for child support....five more years for one, and 7 more years for the other.....

Here there is reviews held, I think it's every four years but not sure, and the amount can be changed at that time, if the courts decide it's neccessary

Poetmom99

on Jul 14, 2004

Here there is reviews held, I think it's every four years but not sure, and the amount can be changed at that time, if the courts decide it's neccessary

Reviews can be held every three years here, but the amount will only change if the income has changed.

Sally jacobs

on Jul 14, 2004

Reviews can be held every three years here, but the amount will only change if the income has changed.

Apparently because this woman is getting so much, it will be stopped at the four year review. They've advised her to save as much as she can. Plus footballers careers are short so he won't always be earning that amount of money.

Poetmom99

on Jul 14, 2004

Is that for child support or alimony? Because here, alimony is usually for a short term, while child support goes on until the child is 18 or out of high school...or in some cases, out of college.

Sally jacobs

on Jul 14, 2004

Is that for child support or alimony?

I think they are both together, but of course it will be reduced and probably based on how many children etc, and then she will get nothing extra! She got two houses out of it though, so she did ok!

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