Drugs are bad...that's all I have to say

*RANT ALERT*

Published on July 11, 2004 By Sally jacobs In Home & Family

I haven't wrote an article for ages where I just tell you what's going on with me, probably because them article are rather boring, but we shall call it a catch up. Things aren't to good at the moment, I think that's why I've probably stopped doing these personal blogs, but maybe if I get these rants out of the way, then somehow I will feel soothed. I'm sat here, finally recovered (almost, It's not catching anymore at least!) from the awful chicken pox. I haven't seen my niece in like a week in fear of her catching it, today is the first time in seeing her, and all hell has broken loose. Some things I don't share in my blog, I kind of like to keep them separate, but today I will share a small part with you, because I feel if I don't get some of this out I'm going to explode. My sister, to say I hate her would be to strong, and would give her far more power over me than I'd ever want her to have. I love her, I always will she is my sister, but I don't like her and I don't hide the fact i don't like her. Evil, I know. My sister is a drug addict. Drugs control her life, she lives for them, everyday she gets up and the one thing on her mind is where she can get her next hit from. This isn't a problem that has just come about, she has been a drug addict for over ten years, and I don't see it stoping anytime soon.

When I was small I looked up to her, I ignored my other sister thinking her goody two shoes ways were just to boring. I idolised my eldest sister, everything she did in my opinion was great. I watched my Mum cry over her, wondering where she was at night, I've seen her beat my Mum up, just when she's on a come down and she has no one else to lash out to. She's stole from us, she's terroized people for no reason. She herself has been terroized. Drug dealers are not very nice people. They get you hooked and then watch you suffer and profit from that suffering. We are not a poor family, I would say middle-class, me and my sisters have never gone without. My sister had a good job, something I may discuss in another blog, but she had a very good job, that paid her very good money. It wasn't enough though, she had a drug problem that cost her over a grand a week, that is ALOT of drugs, and when she didn't have the money she still wanted the drugs. It lead to some pretty nasty situations that I won't go into, but she was pretty much bailed out on every occasion.

I know I sound evil and she's my sister and I should do whatever to make sure she is ok, but you reach a point where enough is enough. She's lied, stole, cheated been abusive and sister or not there is a point you reach where enough is enough. My family doesn't share my thoughts, they bend over backwards for her, I've pretty much cut her out of my life, I'm not willing to help someone who isn't willing to help themselves. I'm not willing to watch the rest of my family suffer pain and misery at her hands. It's already caused problems between me and my other sister, and my Mum and Dad, it's just sad, and it hurts, and i don't see an end to it. I'm sat here watching Maddy sleep, oblivious to it all, she's truely beautiful, and whatever happens, i won't let her be hurt by all this.

My sister has been on drugs for so long that it's changed her mentally, she isn't the same person, she is violent. and nasty and self obsessed. She is awful to random people, we get a phone call today saying she has been arrested, and that's why I'm now left with Maddy and the rest of the family have gone running to her aid, she calls, we drop everything, nothing ever changes, if it was up to me I would let her rot, teach her a lesson. She can't threaten people, she can't live the life she does with no consequences, the fact she always gets bailed out, just means she carries on doing it, and it really makes me mad!

On other ranting topics, Kermit. I'm talking to him as I write this. He isn't the same anymore, I want him to comfort me, to be caring again, and he's not. He's distant and uninterested, and I'm just going on and on, ranting about this topic, while he is busy trying to distance himself from me. Maybe I have to much going on at the moment i don't know but I just really like him and he makes me happy and even that is going down the toilet,

!

Anything else I can rant about, not at the moment I don't think, I'm sorry, I'll probably come back and delete this article, i just needed to get it all out, and I have, it's not really made me feel better though!

Comments (Page 1)

Gideon MacLeish

on Jul 11, 2004

I am sorry to hear that you're going through this, as drug abuse can be hellish. I don't think your attitude towards your sister is wrong, as what she really needs is to be forced to suffer the consequences of her actions until she wakes up and sees what an idiot she is (it's called "toughlove"...you may want to see if you can find some books on the subject).

M-Post

on Jul 11, 2004

*hugs* Yeah things like that can suck pretty bad

And really sorry to hear about your friend distancing him/herself from you, things like that always suck and hurt ...

Keep your head up! Do what ya gotta do to make her see the light if ya have too... but as ya said.. only if she'd be receptive to it.. no point doing something to help them if they don't want to help themselves.

CS Guy

on Jul 11, 2004

Sorry to hear this, Sally. When I was growing up, my oldest brother was involved with drugs. I saw what it did to him... the lack of mental control, the decline of his intelligence, and the ambivalence towards life. And he was never an addict, just a recreational user. Luckily he got his act together before joining the Navy.

But because of him, I have never, NEVER, wanted to use drugs. I don't even like to take aspirin.

I hope that if Maddy is exposed to your sister's sickness that she benefits the same way that I did. Having an addict in the family is a black cloud, for sure, but hopefully there is a little silver lining there as well.

notsohighlyevolved

on Jul 11, 2004

Life has this habit of throwing everything at you at once. A thorough going over by coincidence. It waits and then it just steamrolls you. It seems that your sister has embraced the steamroller, placing herself and her family in its path. Blood can drag you in like that sometimes, and it could be a misfortune or a blessing that this is so. I know that people with an addiction don't seem to want to help themselves, but often it's a matter of them not being able to. Most of the time it's not the drugs that make them incapable or ambivalent, its the intitial cause that got them addicted in the first place. I will say that the drugs don't help, they don't help at all.

other than that useless paragraph, I am glad that you have gotten over the chicken pox but not so happy that someone is distancing themselves from you when it is obvious that you are going through a time of need.

I would love to say that these things work themselves out, but i can't. I would rather say, and will say, that i think that you are more than capable of sorting them out yourself, hopefully with the support of your family and others close to you.

Maddy is lucky to have an aunt such as yourself.

Here's to things getting better. Here's to calmer weather and a favourable forecast.

Marco XX

Sally jacobs

on Jul 11, 2004

You are all truely lovely! Gideon...toughlove is definitely where it's at, i just wish others would learn that!

M-post *hugz* right back at ya! thanks for the support, and i just needed to vent, I'm ok really

But because of him, I have never, NEVER, wanted to use drugs.

I'm the same, I hate drugs with a passion! I hate everything about them, grrr!

Marco, you are so lovely, I'm still planning that wedding *hopes suz doesn't see this*

Most of the time it's not the drugs that make them incapable or ambivalent, its the intitial cause that got them addicted in the first place

If only I knew the initial cause! I think it's just her personality that some people just attract it!

but not so happy that someone is distancing themselves from you when it is obvious that you are going through a time of need.

You can't make people care about you can ya! But as you said, I'm strong enough to do it myself, thanks fort he comments Marco, you're a star, now go to bed, haha!

Red Rhino

on Jul 11, 2004

I have issues with my older brother as well. He has never used drugs, so its small in comparison to your problems. But he is a person who litterally gets his jollies by making other people mad. I often joked about people like this, knowing that deep down that couldn't really be it. But I've seen him giggle when pissing people off on the internet, and grinning ear to ear when we finally get mad enough from putting up with his stuff to start yelling at him. On top of that he is content just barely surviving life. He works jobs that pay 8.00 bucks an hour, so he can make up his get rich quick plots. My parents are always giving him "Loans" (which we all know he will never pay back). He's a leach, always thinking that somehow theres an easy way to get rich.

We even joke that all his life he'll move from relatives house to relatives house. We'll set it up in rotations. 4 months in my house, 4 months in my sisters, and 4 in my parents. But anyways, I know I don't like him either. And of course I love him, but if I had a choice, I'd rather not hear from him for the rest of my life as long as I knew he was safe. I know deep down we should use tough love, but I don't think anybody in my family has that type of fortitude. So I think I understand your frustration when it comes to that.

We joke that sometimes we wish he did have drug problems (of course we don't), then we would at least know whats wrong with him. Its terrible. I hate talking about loved ones like this. I still look at old pictures when we were kids and don't even remember how we used to have fun together. It seems like a parrellel universe or something half remembered from dreams, and can never be again.

MarianneSteele

on Jul 11, 2004

sally, i really know how you feel about your friend distancing themself from you. i had that happen to me not too long ago from a guy that i really cared about. we had been having a "relationship" (although it wasnt official) and it lasted for a few months... then he gradually started focusing on other things and i just figured he'd come back when all of it was over (it was competitions and things like that).. when all of those other things were over and i thought we'd have more time together he still seemed distant. then, about a week later when i knew that it was most likely going to end, i made him tell me how he really felt then and it turned out that he thought our "thing" wasnt good anymore. so, now we arent even friends although he promised we'd stay friends.

i'm sorry to hear all of that about your sister too

it must be hard when nobody else (your family) sees what you see about your sister

keep your chin up! i will be here if you ever need someone to talk to

Sally jacobs

on Jul 11, 2004

Thanks for sharing Red Rhino your brother sounds as frustrating as my sister, if not more so! I don't know where this behaviour will end, and that's the scary thing!

Marianne, thanks for the comment, it's not a nice feeling at all, but like so many things it's something you have no control over at all, I guess what will be will be! Thanks for the offer but I don't really like talking about it to much, I've got it out of my system now, you're support is very sweet though

Muggaz

on Jul 11, 2004

Please dont delete this article ever Sally... it shows us all who you really are... a REAL person on the other side of the computer screen...

I feel terrible, because I am an admitted recreational drug user... I will try and explain from my vantage point though, and that is really the best I can do.

I know I will never lapse into the rut that your sister finds herself in today... I just respect myself too much, and the people around me... I can't defend your sister, it sounds as though the monster that is drugs has her in his grips.

Kingbee explained it to me once, that some people just have a genetic makeup that cannot resist drugs, and the unfortunate pull... some people can... AS someone who can say no to drugs, I feel it's my responsibility to educate on their use... this education is circumstantial, it may be advising on the best and safest methods for endulgence, or it may include total disdain for someones drug habit... at any rate, I know I can help people who suffer from this addictive affliction...

It's a bit sad that you have given up on your sister... then again, I have never been in your situation... I just hope you realise that she is not dead yet, she has merely been possessed by an evil of society, and it's our responsibility to identify and excorcise those demons as best we can.

Unfortunately, some people are too far gone to save... Some people have varying definitions of 'too far gone' with family like you - Your sister does have hope yet, and you writing about this affliction contributes to further education on the subject.

I happy you shared this with us, it's a situation we can all learn from.

BAM!!!

Floozie

on Jul 12, 2004

That's really heavy, honey. I have a much greater understanding about your feelings towards her now. You are right in that your family isn't helping by baling her out. They should make it conditional - they will bail her out as long as she goes into rehab or something, but I'm sure every single option has been discussed ad nauseum in your house, so I won't throw any more useless ideas at you.

I wish I could give you a big, fat hug. It sounds as though you really need it. Fuck Kermit for being distant at this time. While there may be stuff for you two to discuss, there is a time to put that crap aside and just be a friend. I'm thinking of you, remember that.

Marco, you are so lovely, I'm still planning that wedding *hopes suz doesn't see this*

And as for this! You really are a funny girl aren't you. Marco hasn't even proposed yet, so no need to go hat shopping just yet! (Marco - do you think she is mad as a brush as well???)

Big hugs darling.

Suz xxx

Sally jacobs

on Jul 12, 2004

Awwww you guys are so lovely, you've really made me smile! Awwwwwww!

I feel terrible, because I am an admitted recreational drug user...

I've seen the situation drugs can ge you in, I've had first hand experience of how it completely ruins your life, but having said that I don not have a problem with people who are recreational drug users. I wouldn't do it, it's not for me, but I can understand why people do it, and within reason i don't see the problem. You know yourself better than anyone and you know what youre capable of, and you make your own decisions, and live with the consequences. So don't feel terrible, It doesn't change anything.

that some people just have a genetic makeup that cannot resist drugs, and the unfortunate pull...

My sister has never been able to say no, since being at school she has managed to get herself in some awful situation or another, and I've never fully understood how me and my other sister can be so against it and so different yet she chooses that way of life.

It's a bit sad that you have given up on your sister... then again, I have never been in your situation... I just hope you realise that she is not dead yet, she has merely been possessed by an evil of society,

I'll never fully give up on her, I wish I could, but she'll always be my sister, and if she really needed me I would be there for her, but if I'm honest I've lost hope that she will ever get over this. She is to set in her ways, to used to that way of life, and the people she surrounds herself with are all the same, she doesn't want to change, she's happy. Possessed by an evil of society, maybe, but she's made her own decisions, and one thing that really makes me angry about her is that it is everyone elses fault but her own, it's our fault, it's the dealers fault, it's her friends fault, it's her boyfriends fault, it's anyones fault but hers *sigh* until she realises that she is responsible for her actions we will get no where.

with family like you - Your sister does have hope yet, and you writing about this affliction contributes to further education on the subject.

Thanks for the support Mugz, it really is appreciated

Suzzzzzzzzz ya big dirty flooz, hehe! Oh how you make me giggle! *hugz* right back at ya hunny! You're such a sweety pie!

Fuck Kermit for being distant at this time. While there may be stuff for you two to discuss, there is a time to put that crap aside and just be a friend

....I don't think I am being incredibley easy to get on with at the moment so it works both ways, but you have been a friend and i won't forget it

Marco hasn't even proposed yet

YET??? Ahhh...so you're waiting for it, I'll push him a bit more for you in that case, haha!

(Marco - do you think she is mad as a brush as well???)

He agreed with you when you called me a nightmare! You will both see the light though

Big hugs darling

Right back at ya hunny!

DylanZimmerman

on Jul 12, 2004

You know..the thing about drugs ..is they make you so sick..smack anyway, the first time you do them, and everytime after that as you're getting further and further away from everyone, and neglecting all the people you love, and hurting everyone, including yourself, everytime you try to remind yourself of that first sickness, and you try to make it stop. But eventually you are so confused and fucked up you don't know what you're trying to stop- the thing you took the drug for in the first place, whatever misery that was, wanting it to stop that bad you would mutilate and poison yourself- or wanting the drug to stop..wanting rid of this new evil that was supposed to save you. Wanting your family to forgive, but mad at them for not seeing, or not knowing the reason you did this in the first place.

i'm sorry your sister has treated you as badly as she has..and I can't tell you how to cope with that or how to deal with her or that she deserves your sympathy or whatever, because in light of her behavior, maybe she doesn't. I just thought i'd offer you that perpective, from someone who's seen it, unfortunately from both ends, (god how self aggrandizing does that sound??!!) and maybe I hope that will allow you to understand you're sister a little better.

As for Kermit, he'll come back to you honey..he always does!!

Thanks for your support.

Dyl xxx

mignuna

on Jul 13, 2004

Marco hasn't even proposed yet ??? Ahhh...so you're waiting for it, I'll push him a bit more for you in that case, haha!

sal, pardon me while i attempt to control the riotous mirth that threatens to burst from my mouth like a volcano at the thought of marco being married. he can't even decide which planet to live on.

still, miracles happen. (if they do, can i be a bridesmaid, sal ? hehe)

mig XX

Sally jacobs

on Jul 13, 2004

he can't even decide which planet to live on.

Hahaha..I REALLY hope he doesn't see this!

still, miracles happen. (if they do, can i be a bridesmaid, sal ? hehe)

I wouldn't hold ya breath on this one Mig, though you are right miracles do happen

(Or I'm just insane!)

Theophilus Thistler

on Jul 13, 2004

Makes me sad to hear stories like this. I was once the one causing my family pain by indulging myself without apparent consequence. It wasn't until I was shown a bit of tough love and not given any financial assistance whatsoever that I started to find my way out of the problem, see the error of my ways and seek help when I needed it. Really, nobody, not even my family or my girlfriend I had at the time (who I loved to bits), could make me stop or tell me I had a problem and I resented them when they did.

I agree with Muggaz about the addictive personalities thing. That's something that runs on my Mum's side of the family. I hope your family can find another way of helping your sister besides bailing her out all the time.

You, your sis and the rest of your family will be in my prayers tonight. I hope it all pans out for the best soon.

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