When I write I find my emotions just flow out on to the page and I can be as open and honest as I wish to be. I find most of the time I'm like this when I speak. I have a great amount of respect for people who are straight with you, they may not always tell you what you want to hear, but you know what they say is the truth and in my opinion that is priceless. People articulate their feelings in many different ways, some are upfront, some hide their feelings, some shove their opinions down your throat. Now even though I feel I'm an honest person, I have trouble showing emotion. i don't know why this is, but I just seem to be retarded in this respect. As much as emotion comes across when I write (maybe!) in person it's a totally different story. This is not to say that I'm not affectionate because I am, I love hugs and kisses as much as the next person, but when it comes to showing or even verbalizing emotion, I do really struggle.
When I was growing up my Mum wasn't very affectionate, she wasn't a touchy feely kind of person. She told me she loved me, but we didn't really discuss our feelings, if things happened, it was best to just ignore them. They'll eventually go away if ignored for long enough. I don't think I'm this person, I like to talk about things, it does make me feel better, but growing up that's the way it was. Even now my sister can't say 'I love you' which I find incredibley sad. This is kind of getting off topic anyway. This is about how people show their emotions, and how they are different. How they choose to voice opinions to people.
I can't cry about things that matter, sad occasions, I just can't do it. I maybe torn to pieces inside, but on the outside I'm emotionless I went to a funeral last year and my family were heartbroken and I just couldn't show anything. The thing is I'm expected to cry. I feel guilt for not crying, but in theory I should be able to not show it if I don't want. However, where exactly does it go? This pain, this hurt, surely it can't be good to keep it on the inside. I love films. I think they're great. An excellent way of reaching the world, getting a message across. I can cry at films like a baby, all the emotion that i haven't shown comes spilling out. I don't mean just an odd tear. i mean proper crying. Sometimes from start to finish they are my favourite kinds of films. They give me a release, and I always feel better afterwards. This just makes me feel worse about my emotionless self though. I can't cry at a funeral but I can cry at a film that isn't even real. There must be sonmething wrong with me. I've thought about it alot. I still haven't come to a conclusion on it, but at least it shows I have the capacity to show some emotion, which is a start!
Now another way I show emotion is through football. Yes I declare I'm werid. This is something else that I find it easy to show emotion for. i don't have a choice about it. It takes me over and I just go along with it. When I studied sociology (ugh!) they discussed the passion that fans have for the team they follow. In general football is a working class game, so generally men would go to a game on a Saturday afternoon, after they'd spent a week working hard and it was their outlet. It was the only way they were able to articulate their emotion, their frustration. They would live it through their team, the good times, the bad, in that 90mins they got rid of so much pent up aggression, everyone needs to channel it somewhere, they mustn't of heard of blogs huh?
We all show emotion in different ways, we all have different emotions, different opinions, different thoughts. Some people we agree with, some we don't. It's all about respect and understanding. Respecting them differences and learning from them. We may not always like what we see or hear but we do learn from it and to disagree is our right. To educate people, teach each other, share emotions, share feelings. Just as long as we remember, we are all different.