It's almost weekend, yippy yay! Ooooooooooooh exciting weekend, I can hardly contain my excitment, hmm I'm feeling slightly insane, I think it's sleep deprivation, I'm amazed at how many JU users suffer from sleep deprivation, it must be catching huh! I've decided thinking is bad for me, REALLY bad. My last trail of thought scared me slightly and kind of made me feel useless, hmm. Let me explain. I was thinking about my future, and I came to the conclusion, what a damn scary prospect, I don't know, I just don't fancy growing old and feeling I've achieved nothing. Which I guess is a good thing to think at twenty years old, still plenty of time to achieve stuff, I suppose, but I don't know what I want to achieve! Grrr.......I really don't know, do I want a career, do I want a family, do I want to be layabout, a famous actress, a famous writer, a dead famous writer, I just don't know. Then thinking this lead me on to other things, like what am I good at exactly? I don't mean averagely good at, like I can tie my own shoe laces, but I wouldn't exactly call it a talent, and you know what I found out about myself? I'm not talented, at anything! Now don't think this is me feeling sorry for myself, it's really not, it's just a process of logical thought, well as logical as you get on the amount of sleep I've had. There's nothing I do, that I'm really good at. I don't write in a wow factor way, I'm not a great singer, lol, but if it goes in the opposite direction, I am amazingly bad (watch out pop idol). I'm not really good at sports, I'm not really smart, I'm not anything out of the ordinary, I am decidedly average, hmm. I can live with average, I really can. Average and me are like soulmates, but I don't know what this means for my future, if I'm not really good at anything, what am I going to do? Be average at everything I do, that's kind of like yawn life, the life I was so against having when I was at school, deciding on my future. Just in case you're wondering i made no concrete decisions then either, shocking huh! I don't want to have a 9-5 job, that I hate, that does nothing for me, that I'm bored every day, but what to do instead, answers on a postcard please!
My friend told me I was self absorbed the other day, I didn't argue, I kind of agree. I know that isn't exactly a good thing, but I kind of like it, LOL, well obviously, it's about ME, hehe! I don't think my head is shoved completely up my own arse, but I do kind of think the world revolves around me ( well at lease kermits does, hehe! ), joking aside, I do take an interest in other people, I quite like thinking about other people, but it always comes back to me, hmmm. I don't know, maybe I just think my world is so much more important, and for me I guess it is, but I don't want to be one of these people that just cares about herself and no one else, hmmmm, a little bit of self indulgence is fine, just as long as it's in moderation, must remember that! Look at this blog, for example, ME, ME and ummm ME!
I saw Maddy Mae today, so adorable, when people say that it's amazing how much love you feel for them, I kind of never knew what they meant, but now I do. I sort of feel my heart expand everytime I see her. She's amazing, and I get excited over the silliest things! Wow, she can roll over, WOW, she can eat her own feet, WOW she can scream! Ahh, the joys of children! This weekend is going to be a good one, we have Mels bday on friday, ahhh a nice drinky then me thinks. Saturday is the FA Cup final, that will mean nothing to most of you, but the great Man Utd will be in action, to win their only cup of the season, oooooh, how exciting! If they lose, I will be here, full of anger about Arsenal and Chelsea, and all the other teams that are currently better than us, not that I'm a bad loser or owt! Then Sunday is another church event with Dom, yay! Hope it doesn't bring back bad memories of weird religious guy!
Take care folks, and if I don't find time to blog in my pissed up state tomorrow, have a wicked weekend xxxxxx