"Conversation should be pleasant without scurrility, witty without affectation, free without indecency, learned without conceitedness, novel without falsehood."
It started about a dildo
Published on May 6, 2004 By Sally jacobs In Personal Relationships
Ahhh to blog or not to blog that it the question. Today started off as such a good day, but for one reason or another it has slowly gone down the toilet, anyway my chosen topic of conversation today, well not my own personal choice of topic, I asked a friend and they made a suggestion and now I'm going to work with it.......dildos....ahh what a nice subject. I'm going to broaden the topic slightly but this is where the discussion originated, from my very own rampant rabbit! It seems even though we are living in a society where everyday women are becoming more equal to men when it comes to sexual pleasure we are expected to be still living in the dark ages, and god forbid that we are able to pleasure ourselves, what it might come to the point where we don't need men for anything (hardly anything!)? Shock, horror! I'm not going to get all feminist, but after reading a bit about this subject, it seems to be the general concensus that women should not discuss this subject, it should be something they shy away from, something they should be ashamed of in fact. Why are we made to feel wrong for owning a dildo?

Times are changing, women are breaking the mould. They no longer want to settle down young and have a family, they want to be career women, they want to be independant, they don't want to rely on a man to provide for them, in any way. Programmes like sex in the city have made it easier for women to fight these stereotypes, it's encouraged women to go out and buy their own rampant rabbit, a clever marketing campaign maybe, but it's worked. Ann Summers is a great shop! On my first visit I have to say I was slightly embarrassed, but why should I feel like that, why should we be made to feel embarrassed about sex? If you are an adult, and you are safe and sensible about what you do, you have sexual needs, like everyone else, then why be embarrassed!

I am happy to admit I own a rampant rabbit, and what a fabulous invention that was! I have very strong viewpoints on sex and marriage. It may seem strange to some people, but it is just me personal opinion on things and by no means do I think everyone should live their life like this. I used to think I didn't believe in sex before marriage, but I don't think this is the case. Because I don't think I really believe in marriage. I believe in the idea behind marriage, and I have nothing against it. That declaration of love between two people how can that be wrong? The way we live today though marriage is beginning to have no meaning to people, it is so easy to get divorced, so easy to walk away from it, that to enter into a marriage with someone is just about the piece of paper, and I don't agree with that. If you are going to do it, it should be because you are prepared to spend the rest of your life with this person, through the bad times, throught the good times, it should be hard work, to make you appreciate the times when things are great. Nothing good comes easy! So I've come to the point where I don't think I need marriage, I don't think I want it, as long as I know that I love somone with all my heart and they feel exactly the same about me, I don't need proof of that, I don't need to declare it to the world, I don't need a marriage certificate, the feeling in my heart will be enough.

However, just because I have this viewpoint and I won't be having sex with random people, just for the fun of it, that does not mean I don't need sexual stimulation, I'm human, and that's where the rampant comes into play. It's not an unusual thing for women of this generation to own, the majority of my female friends, with or without partners own them, and they all swear by them! I have a friend who went to the fab Ann Summers and invested in a rampant, and after using it she phoned all her friends up because she couldn't believe how good it was! It doesn't replace other things though, and it never will. The feelings of love and intimacy, it's just about sexual pleasure and shouldn't be confused with anything else, and it isn't wrong! We still need men, for when the batteries run out, hehe!

Comments
on May 08, 2004
Female sexual pleasure is highlighted immensely in society, I don't know why you think the broad mass of peasants are coy about it.
on May 11, 2004
This is such a great article Sally! It's so well written, and opinionated, but funny and open minded and cool. I'm very impressed!!And by the way, I totally agree! Sometimes a girl needs a little alone time. But I don't think men are completely useless, sometimes battery operated devices are not enough, and you need a nice strong man to hug...or is that just me being pathetic?

Thanks for ur comment, I should've asked that guy out, I could do with a date, and you're totally right- it would've been a very interesting date...given me something to blog about at least!

Hope ur doing okay, drop me a comment and let me know, k?

love Dyl xxx

on May 12, 2004
Sorry Petey, I haven't been around for a few days. As usual you are correct, I just feel women are made to feel it's wrong and they should hide it alot more than men are!
on Jun 11, 2004
Now I'm all for women using sex toys but I hate the way you say that you're made to feel wrong for owning a dildo. I don't think that women are made to feel wrong for owning sex toys and there are many things nowadays, such as ann summers partys as well as television programmes that promote this. Yet if men were to do the same and openly admit that they used sex toys they would thought of as perverted and sad, so where is the equality in that. I just think that everyone should feel free to enjoy themselves in what ever way turns them on.
on Jun 12, 2004
Thanks for the comment James. I understand what you're saying, and recently it is alot easier for women to do these things, times are changing as I said, it was before these times I was referring to, before sex in the city and Ann Summers.

I just think that everyone should feel free to enjoy themselves in what ever way turns them on.


Agreed.
on Jun 12, 2004
I don't need a marriage certificate, the feeling in my heart will be enough


sally, this may sound bizarre coming from a married woman, but i agree with you. i grew up watching my father get married about twice a year, and i have little respect for the institution of marriage itself as a consequence.

my husband wanted to get married a lot more than i did. we had bought a house and were living together, and i was very happy that way. but he promised that nothing would change "except for my name" ... and so far, so good. well, mostly.

and whilst i can say i'm very happy to be his wife now, it took me a long time to feel comfortable with the idea. i was 30 when we finally did get married, and i'm glad we did. but i believe we would still willingly be together anyway.

as you say, marriage is not necessarily for life, and any relationship that works for the people concerned is a successful partnership in my eyes - married or not.

great article. i really loved this

mig XX
on Jun 12, 2004
Mig, I'm so glad you paid me a visit, I adore your blog, no matter what issue you cover you still leave me with a smile, yay!!!! I'm glad you liked the article to, hehe I don't think everyone got it! I think it's lovely when people are happily married, I'm a secret romantic, though I try to hide it, and I love all the mushy stuff, I just think that people put to much on marriage, oh we're having relationship problems, I know, we'll get married! Nooooo, it shouldn't be about that! Or people who enter in to it to lightly, it should be forever, maybe I'm just old fashioned, I don't know, but you shouldn't get married to prove anything! I'm glad your happily married, gives me hope it can happen!
on Jun 12, 2004
sally, thankyou so much for being so kind about my blog, your comments are always insightful and most welcome.

i do visit you, but i have such a paranoia about over-commenting that it makes it look like i don't read much of anybody else's stuff !.there are blogs i read regularly - and yours is one of them

when i first started on ju, i read a nasty article or comment about somebody who posted comments everywhere to get points, and it stuck in my head big time that over-commenting was frowned upon !!!!. i've been making a real effort lately to stop this silliness, and from now on i hope to be able to contribute a little more to the blogs i enjoy (yours included )

mig XX

ps: you're not old fashioned in your views, they sound very relevant to todays' world to me
on Jun 13, 2004
Thanks mig, I look forward to getting some comments from you!!!

when i first started on ju, i read a nasty article or comment about somebody who posted comments everywhere to get points


I know exactly what you mean, when I first started, I saw things like this, and there's so many rights and wrongs, that I was scared to move from my own blog, in fear I'd be seen as a points whore! I do leave comments on the blogs I like, and yours is most definatly one of them! Thanks, I don't think I'm old fashioned either, I just don't want to rush into anything, I have plenty of time to tie myself down in years to come!
on Jun 13, 2004
Being a firm believer in saying what I think and feel your article was a breathe of fresh air, so many women nowadays are afraid, scared or even just embaressed to voice out loud their opinions and that in it self pleases me to read articles doing just that.

Women today are slowly beginning to make a stand and be heard about what they want sexually, we no longer need the male input to be pleasured and that can never be a bad thing, though don't get me wrong I have nothing against men lol. Being open and truthful with ourselves shouldn't be seen as wrong or whorish it's all about being at ease, hopefully more people like you will stand up and begin to voice their desires and then our lives will be a better, calmer and pleasurable place for all.
on Jun 13, 2004
Hehe thanks for the comment! ...I have nothing against men either, they actually come in useful now and again! I'm glad you liked the article, honesty is the best policy, and I just say what I think, that's the best I can do!

Women today are slowly beginning to make a stand and be heard about what they want sexually


Exactly, we are getting there slowly but surely, I'm sure I only said what others were thinking!