I was late for work today. I was sat on the bus, cursing the bus driver, traffic, early mornings, and the fat guy who was pratically sat on my knee. Life just wasn't all that sweet at 8am this morning. There was police about the place, and a section of a bridge was sectioned off. I didn't really pay much attention, as I was to busy directing my anger at the rest of the world. It was only later that I learnt that the police were there because a woman was threatening to jump of that bridge, and they had to go and talk her down. Which they did, though I don't really think that is the point, because the cry for help was made loud and clear. It kind of puts my problems into perspective. At the same time this woman was fighting with the demons within, and wrestling with the choice of life or death. I was sat in traffic, wanting my bus to move, and feeling a little tired. I almost feel ashamed.

I can never imagine myself in that situation. I just don't think that things could get so bad that I would think it all wasn't worth it. I guess I am lucky. Because I realise that there are people out there who just don't wish to carry on. That they feel their lives are so worthless that they just don't want to wake up for another day. I just can't imagine having that feeling. Part of me thinks that these people who decide to take their own lives must have alot of guts. I hear many people say that it is the wimps way out. I don't know. Part of me thinks that is the ultimate decision. That to end your own life, is it. game over. The final decision, and at least they have made that choice, and gone through with it. It may not be the right decision, and I am not saying it is brave, but it does take guts.

I think about what must of been going through that ladies head as she was standing on the top of that bridge, looking at the traffic that was passing below. She must be in a really lonely place. Looking down, fighting with that decision. Just jump and it is all over. I wonder if she thought about her family, and how they would deal with that loss. I know that would be the main thing on my mind if I ever did something like that. It is like dealing them with a lifetime of punishment, and for what? Because life has got a little tough? Is that worth breaking the hearts of everyone that loves you? Making those around you wonder how they didn't notice. Make them feel guily. Make them feel sad, and lost. Can you really put them through that? Parents, partners, kids, friends, people you work with it. There would be no end of people that would be touched by that loss. All wondering how they never noticed.

I wonder if she stood up there and thought about her problems, and how she couldn't solve them. I wonder if all the things that made her sad went rushing through her head. The reasons that she was stood in that exact, spot, right at that moment. Because all these problems were to big for her to solve on her own. I wonder if she lay awake at night thinking about them, making them much bigger that they really were. I wonder if standing at the top of that bridge at that moment in time, made her realise just how small her problems actually were, or even if it just made her realise they weren't worth her paying the price of her own life. No problem is worth that.

I will never know what made that lady stand there. I will never know what makes all the people who actually go through with it, do it. Unfortunately I can't crawl into peoples heads and see what's going on, although I would really like to. That's the point, we just never know. Sometimes it is just a cry for help, people just want a way of drawing attention to their problems, and others actually want it to end, and for it all to be over. Others think about it, and never actually go through with it, and we never know. People are special things, and everyone has a story. Problems, and worries. I guess you should never judge a book by its cover. I hope that lady is ok, and that her problems don't seem as big anymore. I hope she gets some help, and life looks a little brighter. Maybe help is all she needed.