I can't be helped. I hate not knowing how to do things, and taking advice from those closest to me, I just find impossible. I don't know what it is, but I get all frustrated and angry, and end up throwing the towel in. Where as coming from people I don't know, I manage alot better. I like to be good at things, and I hate it when I am in a position where I just don't know what to do. So, this leads us to a little problem. Just a little one. My bloke wants to teach me how to play chess. Because I can't, and I would really like to be able too. He has told me it's pretty 'simple' which has made alarm bells ring already. Because what if I don't find it simple, and what if he thinks I'm stupid, and we both get frustrated, and that's that. He's made a few attempts to get me to play, and I'm having none of it. Everything was going alright, he just didn't think I wasn't THAT interested in the game. Stupid me though, let it slip, that I would actually like to learn how to play, and he was completely confused at why I wouldn't let him teach me.

I would like to learn to play, and I would have a lot more patience with someone who I didn't know, and they would probably have more patience with me. Well obviously not a complete stranger....but I am guessing there might be a way to learn online. OOHHH....I could learn online, then ask him to teach me and wow him with my brilliance. HA! Anyway, I am losing the point of this blog, because it isn't about learning to play chess (though I would like to) it is more about my inability to accept help. I just find it really hard to do, even advice on certain topics, from people who I am close to I really find it hard to swallow, and I don't really know what it's about. Another perfect example of this is when my computer messed up a while ago, and a friend of mine, who is a computer geek tried to help me, and every single moment he was helping me, I hated it.

Now writing this blog, I think I am starting to see where maybe the problem is. I struggle asking for help and recieving it when it is on a subject that I feel I should already know about. Like really, I feel I should of learnt to play chess along time ago, and I feel like I should know more about my computer than I do. Then there are topics that I don't think twice about asking about, like anything about a car. I accept I know nothing about a car. So if I needed advice I would ask, because I want the advice, I don't really want to learn for myself. Maybe that's it, that I can take advice, but when it comes to actually learning about something, and how to do it myself I find it tough. I think that with the chess, I might have to just swallow my pride and allow him to teach me. I'm going to find it tough, but it's all about growth, isn't it?