There is a rather sexy man that graces my television screen most nights. He has his own 'alternative' show on one of the cable channels. He is extremely attractive, and charming. He creates alot of media attention for himself....for two reasons, he openly admits to having a sex addiction and to prove this he sleeps with lots of beautiful women. Kate Moss, and one of Bob Geldof's daughters are those amongst his conquests. These women know of his reputation. They have seen the pictures, heard the rumours, to prove it. Yet they are still extremely attracted to him. So attracted, that they quite happily open their legs for business, safe in the knowledge that next week it probably will be a different chick. Now there are a few questions that are raised from this. First of all I do understand the attraction to this man, he has a certain sex appeal, but I can't explain it. If I was faced with him, would I be able to turn him down (I should be so lucky)? I would like to say yes, I would. But I'm not so sure about that. He is damn sexy!
Now first of all, sexual addiction, is there even such a thing? Well I will discuss that later in this blog. Many people think that it is just an excuse for some people, like this fella, to go about and shag anything with a pulse, and he uses the sexual addiction as a front for the fact, he just can't keep it in his pants. Apparently if you are addicted to sex people don't expect monogamy from you. It gives you freedom that the rest of can't enjoy. If you go off and shag many different women, that's alright, you're an addict. Bless him! There is also another point, why can't you just be addicted to sex with the one person? I mean if you like sex. You want it all the time, and you have someone right there, who is your partner, surely that feeds you addiction much better than going out, and having to charm someone into bed? Who can be bothered with charm when you have an addiction to feed? So surely sleeping with LOTS of women because you are addicted to sex isn't really plausible. Or is it sex with lots of different people you are addicted to? Then that would make sense. Or maybe it is actually the thrill of the chase.....ahh that could be it. So then it wouldn't actually be just an addiction to sex, it would be the whole package. Or maybe there is no addiction, and instead it is a phobia....to commitment.
This topic quite intrigues me. So I looked up what addiction actually means, as the word is thrown around quite alot these days, we are the therapy generation afterall. If I spend to long talking to my milkman in the morning, I might develop a milkman addiction, I could start a new craze completely! Anyway......
I give you, addiction -
Compulsive physiological and psychological need for a habit-forming substance: a drug used in the treatment of heroin addiction.
An instance of this: a person with multiple chemical addictions.
The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or or involved in something.
An instance of this: had an addiction for fast cars.
So According to this, sex addiction would look like it stands. I am guessing that there are people out there who do have compulsary urges to have sex, and therefore want to do it all the time, and think about it all the time. So then the next question is, just how do you know when you step from the realms of normal, healthy sexual appetite, to obsession? Well I did a little more research, and found this -
Typical Characterisitics of Sexually Addictive Behavior
A constant preoccupation with thoughts of engaging in sexual activity, which often interfere with your ability to function normally.
Having anonymous sex with strangers on an ongoing, continual basis.
Going into and staying in debt for the purpose of obtaining sex with prostitutes. This may also includes multiple online subscriptions to pornographic Web portals or "sex chats".
A need (dependence) on sexually explicit material in order to become sexually aroused and/or to reach orgasm.
Abandoning personal relationships, including those with friends and partners and instead opting for anonymous sexual encounters.
Trading drugs for sex.
Prostituting for purposes of excitement and not for money.
Exhibitionist activities, including exposing oneself in a car, theater or in places that others are intended to witness.
Looking for sex in public places, including public bathrooms.
Manipulating others to have sex through the use of drugs and/or alcohol.
Exposure to sexually transmitted diseases due to ongoing, unsafe anonymous sex.
Obsessing over sex to the point where it interferes with your ability to work, communicate with others, or in any way live normally.
So what is this an addiction or an obsession? Or are they the same things? So we looked at what an obsession is -
Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion, often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety.
A compulsive, often unreasonable idea or emotion.
So they are in fact pretty similar. On the website that I found characteristics of the addiction to sex, they also offered a website forward that was called Sex and Love Anon. So I went on over and had a look....it is very helpful, there's even a test you can do to see if you yourself are addicted, how very helpful!
I think the best quote I have found about all this, is one that I figure must be pretty true,
"Of course, in most of these cases, the addiction word is used to create an emotional response. It makes people think of chemical dependencies, such as to illegal drugs or smoking. In many cases, the "addictions" described aren't really addictions, but an indication of a different problem, such as depression"
I know I have made light of this addiction, but seriously for a moment, this can really effect peoples lives. They do take over and they do become consumed with all these feelings and emotions. Sex is good fun, but you know what they say about to much of a good thing........