Just needed to write :(

Published on August 5, 2006 By Sally jacobs In Life Journals

I try and keep my blog as free of personal issues as possible. Even though when I have a problem, writing about it is probably the best way that I can work through it. Today I have a problem, and I don't really have anyone to talk about it with, or anyone that wants to listen. So I guess I am feeling at a loss, and here is the only place that I feel like I can write whatever I want, and maybe even get some words of advice, or support, and I think words like that would help alot at the moment. I think all I need is for someone to tell me, that it is nothing to worry about, and I will be good again.

Before I start, I just have to make the point that my Dad is a really decent man. He is a good guy. He brought me up, so he can't be that bad.

Maddy comes to stay most weekends. Last weekend she stayed longer than usual. Nothing strange so far. Everything was fine last weekend. She didn't want to go home, and she came during the week, and had a great time digging holes in the garden. She is due to stay tonight. I got a phonecall off my sister this morning, telling me that Maddy didn't want to stay. I was a little surprised, and I spoke to Maddy, and she really didn't want to stay. My sister got back on the phone, and told me that Mads had told her, that she didn't want to stay, because Grandad grabbed her and hurt her. I was pretty shocked. My sister and I both think this is absolutely nothing. There is just always that feeling that you can't shake though. Something obviously happened that made her not want to stay. I'm sure it was nothing bad, but I don't know. My sister said she isn't pushing the issue with her. That it is fine that she doesn't want to stay.

I had to tell my Dad was had been said. I think the only way you can describe his reaction is, that he was gutted. Completely. He now feels that he can't be left on his own with her anymore, and that it has just put him in a really bad light. He doesn't know what to do. Neither do I. Kids say stuff that isn't true, and I am sure that they could of just been playing around and they just got a little over excited or something. I feel bad though. My sister leaves her in my care. No one elses. She doesn't want to stay, and in some way that is down to me. I feel sad. Which I know is really selfish, since really it is my Dad who is going through it. I just don't know what to say to make it better. He says that it is really difficult being the Father of girls, there are just so many things you can get accused of and have no power over. My Dad is a good man though, and I don't want him to feel like this, and I also want Maddy to want to come here, and my sister to be confident that she will be safe when she is here. I am not sure how all that will turn out now.

Sorry for the ramble....just needed to get it off my chest. It hasn't really helped.

Comments

terpfan1980

on Aug 05, 2006

Hopefully everything will work out ok and cooler heads will prevail

Adventure-Dude

on Aug 05, 2006

Hey Sally,

This is a very difficult situation. Sadly, such family issues involve pretty much all the family. I am not sure what took place as it was a lil elusive. Right now I think it would be important to support you dad saying, "We'll get through this." My advice to you is to do your best to keep emotions OUT of your head. You will be able to think rationally and more logically about this situation. Reacting out of sheer emotions can be very dangerous in this case. The fact that you are writing about it shows that it is effecting you quite a bit. It's okay you are a caring person. But don't let the emotions cloud your thinking.

My rule of thumb: You can only control how you act and react in your interaction with others.

It also looks to me that you are given the supportive mediative role. Without dejustifying their feelings I think it would be important to be their sounding board as well. You are involved but you are also kind of the outside party. Just remember you only can control how you act and react in situations. If they start over-reacting you may just have to let them be.

I hope this resolves quickly and that no REAL damage was done. Hope this helps. Hang in there Sally this will sort itself out with time.

Best Regard,

AD

Sally jacobs

on Aug 05, 2006

Hopefully everything will work out ok and cooler heads will prevail

I hope so, though I don't feel like I have a cool head at the moment.

AD - Thanks for the words of support. My Dad is really upset, and my sister doesn't really know how to deal with the situation. I didn't give many details, because really that's all she has said. That he grabbed her, and it hurt when he did. I believe that means that they were playing and he may of grabbed her a little hard, and it's something that has stuck with her. I don't know though. I will try and be calm, and your words have really helped - thank you.

LW - My sister has tried to question her, but the more she prods her the more Maddy isn't interested in telling her anything. When I spoke to her one the phone she was more interested in telling me about the Tellie Tubbies than anything else. From what my sister has told me, she meant that Grandad had grabbed her and when it did it hurt her, and there is nothing else to it. You are right though there needs to be further questioning just to be sure, because it has left everyone with a bad feeling. Thanks for your comments.

AmazinVietElf

on Aug 05, 2006

Well I hope everythings gunna be alright oh and if ure feeling bad check out my cool stories
k my first real blog is coming augg 26

Dr Guy

on Aug 05, 2006

I know it has to be a mis-understanding, and as much as it hurts, your dad is doing the right thing. First and foremost, he loves all of you, and cannot stand the thought of wearing a label for the rest of his life.

It was probably some rough housing. Your dad thought nothing of it, as most of us would not. But Maddy did.

I hope in time that all can come to realize it was nothing. It sounds like the love is already there to start the understanding.

Adventure-Dude

on Aug 05, 2006

Well, if it helps. I know that in my family (all boys) my dad likes to rough house. When I introduced him to marianna last fall for the first time he came out in the morning and was pretty rough with her. She was hurt both physically and emotionally as it was unprovoked. I know that it is just my dad's way of 'accepting' her (as he is horrible with sharing how he feels personally) but he was rought. It did take some time for her to get over that as she kind of avoided that. It took my dad to say that he apologized for being too rough (which is out of his character) for her to come back around. Marianna is very petite and cannot take such roughhousing like guys do. But my point is to share my story so you may compare it to yours and see if it is similar.

I agree with LW as to further investigation. I hope it is only physical rough play. I know that for girls such rough play is not received well and can be QUITE the offence. It may just take some time for her to forgive.

Locamama

on Aug 05, 2006

How old is Maddy? Is she the two year old? My advice would be that your dad should apologize to her for hurting her and tell her that he will be extra careful with her from now on. I know it's hard because you really don't know what happened. I hope it all works out for everyone.

Sally jacobs

on Aug 06, 2006

Well I hope everythings gunna be alright oh and if ure feeling bad check out my cool stories
k my first real blog is coming augg 26

I don't know who you are and in all honesty I don't want to. Please don't use personal blogs like this to promote your own blog. Thanks.

LW - Thanks for that response

Thanks for all your support guys, and AD thanks for sharing your experience. We had it out yesterday, and it turns out that Maddy had made a few comments, that weren't true....just because she didn't want to stay. Which after spending a little time here, she was begging to stay, but she was told she couldn't. Just so she knows that she can't be saying things like that. My Dad is still a little upset, but at least the air is cleared. Thanks to all who commented here, I really needed the support

dynamaso

on Aug 06, 2006

Hey Sally,

I'm sorry I missed this. I'm glad things worked out and I do hope your Dad doesn't take it too hard. As you know, kids often don't understand the implications of what they say. Hopefully, Maddy has learnt a good lesson from this event.

Adventure-Dude

on Aug 06, 2006

I had the gut feeling that this would end this way but like I said. Keep that clear head on your shoulders and you'll be just fine. Thanks for coming to us for support. You know we are here for ya.

foreverserenity

on Aug 07, 2006

Sally, I'm glad this got resolved. I know it must have been pretty difficult. It felt great getting that off your chest didn't it? And even better to have these wonderful people to help.

Sally jacobs

on Aug 07, 2006

I'm sorry I missed this. I'm glad things worked out and I do hope your Dad doesn't take it too hard. As you know, kids often don't understand the implications of what they say. Hopefully, Maddy has learnt a good lesson from this event.

Thats ok Maso, I know if you had been around you would of offered some support. My Dad will get over it, I think it just shocked him a little, and not surprisingly. Maddy is only a baby, so I guess it will be a while before she realises just how much of an effect these things can have on people.

I had the gut feeling that this would end this way but like I said. Keep that clear head on your shoulders and you'll be just fine. Thanks for coming to us for support. You know we are here for ya

Thanks babe, your support was much needed and much appreciated!

Sally, I'm glad this got resolved. I know it must have been pretty difficult. It felt great getting that off your chest didn't it? And even better to have these wonderful people to help.

This is what I love about JU, that there are kind people who are always there ready to help and offer support. You can't beat that.

Thanks all xx

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