So I did the impossible, the thing that I have found so difficult to do for so long. The thing that seems to escape me, and be just that bit out of my reach, and what is that I hear you cry? Well, I've met a guy, and not just any guy, a really nice, decent guy, who I like alot. You want to know the craziest thing of all out of all this? Well he thinks exactly the same things about me. I know this, because he tells me at every opportunity he can. I don't have great taste when it comes to men. I'm generally attracted to the ones that treat me badly, and for some reason, because maybe I am wired a little wrong, that makes me want them even more. I think the term 'treats me badly' isn't quite right. It's not like they did anything completely awful, I guess alot of the time I just felt like I wasn't good enough, and somehow had to change to make myself better for them. If I was talking to a friend though, and they said to me that they were changing to make a man want them more, I would tell them how silly they were, and how someone should like them for how they are, and if they didn't then that was their loss, and no one elses. So how come I can't take my own advice? How come I seem to be so blinded to those wise words I can offer to other people. I guess maybe because it's always easier when it's someone else.

With relationships, and liking people, and falling for them, you generally can't control it. I mean you can have an idea in your head of what you would like, what kind of guy you would go for, and to an extent you can follow that, but when you are actually faced with it, and a person, people can really surprise you. With this guy, it wasn't planned at all. I know that when I write this blog, alot of the time I make out that I would really like that special someone, and I would, but I am also fully aware that I don't need them. It would just be nice to have someone. I don't let them feelings dictate my life though, because I know to many people that have someone just for the sake of it. Just for a warm body to lie next to at night. I could never do that. For me I have to really like someone, to enjoy their company and feel something for them, something that is real, and I feel I can build on. Otherwise what's the point? Our hearts are delicate things and they shouldn't be played with, and we shouldn't play with other peoples.

I'm not really the type of girl that can just easily feel at ease with someone, and jump into erm...wherever . I like things to take time, and for me to really get to know someone. Me and this boy were friends for a while before anything happened. It was something that surprised both of us. Neither of us were looking for a relationship, or to find someone special, but somehow it just happened. I found someone who can make me laugh, and who cares about me, and who will listen to me (and boy can I go on), someone who is easy going and laid back, and a really genuinely nice guy. I have to admit that at times I am not the easiest person to get along with. I have my moments of madness and insanity, funnily enough they seem to happen at about the same time every month, hmm! He doesn't seem to mind, or even notice though, according to him, and I swear these are his words not mine, I am just adorable . I get the feeling that novelty will wear off at some point, but I should enjoy it while it lasts!

My problem is that I worry to much about things, and I think and think about them until I mess them up in my head, and then from that everything else seems to go wrong. I am not saying this is some big romance, and I'm not saying it's not either. I am just going to enjoy it and go with the flow and see what happens. I've found a boy that likes me just the way I am, and that is something that I need to appreciate.