How well do we know people?

Published on July 23, 2006 By Sally jacobs In Misc

My next door neighbour is a strange little man. He has never actually done anything to me, he is just strange. Sometimes he acknowledges my excistence and then other days he looks right through me. It just really depends on which way the wind is blowing. Sometimes he talks, sometimes he doesn't, sometimes he stares, sometimes he doesn't. He is just strange. He doesn't know me, and I don't know him. There are people who I see everyday, and I don't have a clue about any part of their life. I don't know if they are happy or sad, I don't know what their dreams are. I don't know how they take their coffee or even if they like coffee. I know nothing. Not surprising really if that is the milkman, or some guy that catches the same bus as me everyday. That's the way the world works. We can't know everything about everyone, but just how much do we know about those that are closest to us? Can we ever know everything about someone? Even someone we marry, and we spend everyday with them? Well the answer is no. We can't. You know why? Because we can't crawl into their heads and see what is going on. Which is probably a good thing.

A friend of mine went on holiday last week, and had a really bad time. They hated it. They were speaking to someone on that holiday who said they had holidayed at this place for the last four years, and planned to do so the year later. It is funny how we can all experience the same thing but take completely different things away from it. I can live with my family, and we can go through the same things, and we can just see them in completely different ways. I have known my sister for 23 years. We are pretty close, and we get on well. We talk almost on a daily basis. I could probably tell you her opinions on most things. I could probably tell you her worse fears. What her ambitions are. I could tell you alot, but I couldn't tell you it all. I couldn't tell you what she is thinking, and how she is feeling about certain things. I think we need that though, people need to have the ability to surprise us. If we knew it all where would the adventure be.

As most of you know, I am not married. I don't know if you reach that point with your partner where you think that you know everything about them. That somehow you have managed to crawl into their heads, and you are that connected to them that you do know everything. I just don't think that you can reach that point with anyone. We all have a history. Relationships with different people, where we behave differently to suit that particular relationship, and people will know us in different ways. Like I am not going to act the same with my partner as I do with my Mum. My work colleague will know me in a different way to how my sister does. People think that they know me really well and then I can surprise them. The magical thing is, we even have the ability to surprise ourselves. I don't even know myself 100% because I am always changing, and learning new things, and growing, so how the hell will someone else be able to know everything there is to know about me?

Now obviously not knowing someone well can be negative too. Especially if that is because people who we consider to be close to us, choose to lie to about certain aspects of their personality, or if they feel they can't trust us enough to be honest. These can lead to shocks about people down the line. I guess that is more about who we choose to trust and if they deserve it. It just makes you think about who does actually knows you best. Our parents would be a safe bet, but even at some point that goes into decline, and just how well do we know them? I am sure there are things about my parents that I will never know, and that is probably a good thing even if it is just to save my blushes! On the whole I am accepting of the fact that I can't know everything about people. I reckon about 80% will do me.

Comments

SanChonino

on Jul 23, 2006

Sometimes I think it would be really nice to understand people, to realy talk to them - or even without talking to them - and know their thoughts, their reactions, their innermost secrets. I know, especially in relationships - especially at the end of relationships, in my case (my girl and I finally broke up, hon) - it would be nice to know how she felt.

But in most instances, I like the not knowing. Keeps me in suspense and good and surprised, just how I like it.

Sally jacobs

on Jul 23, 2006

I'm really sorry you and her finished, but I guess that was something you was considering for a while. I am sure you will find another extremely lucky lady soon! It would be nice to know how people are thinking, and what they really think about things, but as you said suspense is a great thing! We all need a little excitment!

Hope you're doing ok babe, I advise ice-cream and a chick flick, you can pretend to be a lass for the night!

Dr Guy

on Jul 23, 2006

Good article. But reading the first paragraph, I was struck by an article that DynaMaso wrote about 6 months ago. It had a great twist at the end. But in essence, the neighbor is watching you, but does not want you to know he is watching you. As long as he keeps it to that level, I see no harm. I hope that is all it is.

After all, you are not a drag queen, right?

Barnes

on Jul 23, 2006

Nice!

I can understand your point, interesting angle.

HOWEVER, just from reading your comments on the subject would you not say that knowing someone 80% is a bit much? Settling for 80% might cause you problems, we probably only know each other 60-65% at most.

M-Post

on Jul 23, 2006

I've thought a lot on this subject myself.. and no matter how hard I've tried with any of my friends, it'll never be done that we get to know more than maybe 70% or so of what they know/think/act... it's just the crazy thing about people. Since our thoughts are in constant motion, so are our choices and changes. People are changing constantly, be it via self discovery or some form of peer pressure.

I like the article

Trudygolightly

on Jul 23, 2006

I loved this article!

lots of insight into the human pych.

My mom was good at "reading" people, she could size someone up in a couple of minutes and tell you what they were like and if you were safe with them. And more.

I think people tell us all about themselves with their behavior, more than their words.
Although with the internet now, that can change things a little...to say the very least

Your neighbor sounds like he's either really weird or else just has his good days and his not so good days. I have mostly elderly people around me for neighbors, and sometimes they focus on just "gettin around" more than trying to wave and smile! however your guy sounds like he's moody?? or strange??

someone online one day mentioned not wanting to or not liking "being in someone's pocket" does that mean she didn't want them to know her too well??

I live in a very friendly community, we look out for each other, have a Sheriff's dispatcher next door, we talk, have coffee, we don't each other like best friends, yet have a sense of security here that I never had in the big city. Yet just the other day there was a murder in our county, the first one in 112 years in that small town. So no, I don't think we ever know anyone at all very well........like that book says, if I tell you who I am, will you still like me?

Neil - and the beat goes on

on Jul 23, 2006

Excellent article!!

I totally agree with this article.

I think 80% could be the right amount to get to know someone but as with everything it comes with time. I feel that if you feel know someone highly there will always be a kind of barrier that will come with time. Situations can cause a person to react in a certain way and only when these situations arise will you see how they react. Only then can you understand them that little bit more, seeing there thought process etc...

This does take time!! It won't be the major things that you pick up on cause you probably know them already, its seeing how they react to the little things, the important things...

This is not a negative thing, this is an exciting thing! If we all take a look at the person we know best we'll realise theres things we don;t know or understand about them. BUT we will...

Good look with your AMAZING writting style and i look forward to your next post

Sally jacobs

on Jul 23, 2006

But reading the first paragraph, I was struck by an article that DynaMaso wrote about 6 months ago. It had a great twist at the end.

Haha I remember that article, it was really good. Unfortunately my story telling skills aren't quite that good!

After all, you are not a drag queen, right?

Well actually my real name is Jacob....

My mom was good at "reading" people, she could size someone up in a couple of minutes and tell you what they were like and if you were safe with them. And more.

I wish I had that skill. I am a terrible judge of character. I am always getting people wrong.

Your neighbor sounds like he's either really weird or else just has his good days and his not so good days.

I think it's a mixture of the two. He is a little weird....and somedays he is just stranger than others, hehe!

Yet just the other day there was a murder in our county, the first one in 112 years in that small town. So no, I don't think we ever know anyone at all very well........like that book says, if I tell you who I am, will you still like me?

You see that is freaky...I guess we really don't know people that well. I feel like I should be saying now "Hi my name is Sally, do you like me?" Hehe...

HOWEVER, just from reading your comments on the subject would you not say that knowing someone 80% is a bit much? Settling for 80% might cause you problems, we probably only know each other 60-65% at most.

I think it depends on the people really. Aslong as we FEEL we know people well that is all that matters really. It is about feeling close to people, and paying attention, and having a connection. Aslong as we have that we should feel good about our relationships with people.

it'll never be done that we get to know more than maybe 70% or so of what they know/think/act... it's just the crazy thing about people. Since our thoughts are in constant motion, so are our choices and changes

Yes I agree, we are always changing, and I guess we can only know people to a certain extent. It's a strange feeling when you look at those closest to you, those you consider you know best and realise that there is so much more to learn, that can be a real shock to the system.

Situations can cause a person to react in a certain way and only when these situations arise will you see how they react. Only then can you understand them that little bit more, seeing there thought process etc...

Yep I think that is the major test, how people deal with things, and actually seeing them grow as a person as they go through different experiences. Though you will never know the extent of their feelings and thoughts, you can get a good idea.

This is not a negative thing, this is an exciting thing! If we all take a look at the person we know best we'll realise theres things we don;t know or understand about them. BUT we will...

We will....just takes time

Good look with your AMAZING writting style and i look forward to your next post

Haha...thanks. You have excellent taste

Thanks for all the comments x

dynamaso

on Jul 23, 2006

80% is a pretty high percentage. There are times when I feel I don't even know 20% about the people I spend a lot of time with. I think that is human nature, though. I like being surprised, in a positive way. It is the negative aspects of people's personalities, only displayed under the right conditions, that often blow me away. Most don't want to reveal their negative sides as most of us want to be liked. That too is human nature. Great article, Sally.

Unfortunately my story telling skills aren't quite that good!

Awww, you're such a sweety...

foreverserenity

on Jul 24, 2006

I'm adding my voice to the great article kuddos too Sally! It's always interesting the human psyche. I've always thought about that too. I think I may have even mentioned it in one of my blogs. To be a fly on the wall of some people's lives really seeing who they are and how they live. I guess being humans we'll always be curious about the other person. And seeing if we know them and getting to know them is always interesting.

How much do we know another person? Really interesting question. Sometimes you don't know them well enough and you only find that out when there's a moment of crisis or something like that. Like Maso said, people are always going to act a certain way because they want to be liked. They're not going to show their negative side.

Being a married person, to the same person for almost twenty years, I would say that I don't think I know every bit of his psyche because people will always do or say things to surprise you. I do know his personality yes, to a T, I do know his likes and dislikes and stuff like that, but as to what he's thinking, not at all, at least not all the time! I can take a gues as to what he would think or how he would react but I would say that I know him about 80% since I'm married to him and that's a lot of knowing.

I would say he knows me about 70%, hey he's a man. And that's not being mean, men, at least some of them, or not always very observant or clued in to what goes on in their woman's world. No matter how long he's known me, there would be some things you ask him about me and he wouldn't be able to tell you.

! Somehow I think men are just conditioned that way. I really think so.

As for other people, someone suggested 60-65%, that's a safe bet because these would be people we don't even see everyday. (and that sounds like too much as it is already)

Sally jacobs

on Jul 25, 2006

I like being surprised, in a positive way. It is the negative aspects of people's personalities, only displayed under the right conditions, that often blow me away

I think that it is important to be surprised at times to keep relationships fresh. I understand that there are aspects of peoples personalities that they would like to hide, so they are liked, I pretty much find that impossible. It isn't so bad when typing, but unfortunately most times when I speak my brain isn't even in gear yet!

Awww, you're such a sweety...

I just speak the truth, but thank you. I thought that story was amazing, and it really impressed me It must of done for me to remember it. I barely remember what I wrote last week, nevermind anyone else

To be a fly on the wall of some people's lives really seeing who they are and how they live. I guess being humans we'll always be curious about the other person. And seeing if we know them and getting to know them is always interesting.

I would love to be able to do that! Just to get an insight into what goes on behind closed doors. I'm so nosey!

I know every bit of his psyche because people will always do or say things to surprise you. I do know his personality yes, to a T, I do know his likes and dislikes and stuff like that, but as to what he's thinking, not at all, at least not all the time

I think you can know peoples personalities very well, but you wil never know exactly how their thought process works, and just how they will react to things!

would say he knows me about 70%, hey he's a man. And that's not being mean, men, at least some of them, or not always very observant or clued in to what goes on in their woman's world. No matter how long he's known me, there would be some things you ask him about me and he wouldn't be able to tell you.! Somehow I think men are just conditioned that way

Hehe...that made me giggle. I think women generally pay alot of attention to details men overlook and therefore we notice the little things. Just what I think anyway, I'm sure some of the boys here will disagree with me.

Thanks for the comments xxx

Welcome Guest! Please take the time to register with us.
There are many great features available to you once you register, including:

Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the forums.
Access to a great community, with a massive database of many, many areas of interest.
Access to contests & subscription offers like exclusive emails.
It's simple, and FREE!