"Conversation should be pleasant without scurrility, witty without affectation, free without indecency, learned without conceitedness, novel without falsehood."
I have the ability to get along with people of any age. I don't find it difficult to make conversation with someone who is alot older than me, in fact in many ways I find it far more interesting. I enjoy good thoughtful conversations, about real issues. Now there is a pub that my friends and I go to, on quite a regular basis. This pub is quite youth based, though there is a variety of people that go in. I know alot of my friends would never dream of having a conversation with the older people that go in there, and would much rather stay within their own little group, and discuss the deep issues, like what Brittney Spears had for dinner. Now I am not above such conversations, but I like variety, and I get bored easily, so I am happy to talk to as many people as possible. There is a guy who I chat to, who is about the same age as my Dad. He is a bit of a dry old stick, and I appreciate that quality, as so am I. We discuss the football, and what we are upto, and just generalt chit chat. A few of my friends find him quite difficult to talk to, because he is very sharp, and if he doesn't agree with what you say, he pulls you up on it straight away. Again, qualities I appreciate in people. In all honesty he is a grumpy old man, but I find that quite endearing. Maybe because I know I am on my way to being a grumpy old woman.

I was having an innocent conversation with him a few nights ago. One thing that I am extremely guilty of, is going on about my little niece, far to much. I am like one of these pushy parents, who has to bore people to tears about how their kid just burped for the very first time, and it truely is a moment for the history books. I know I am doing it, but she is just so wonderful in my eyes that I just don't see how other people can't be interested. Anyway, I was on one of them kind of speeches. This guy was listening to me, he even managed to look interested, and grunt in the right places. A few of my friends were there too, and everyone was just generally happily chatting away. I was telling this guy how I look after my niece most weekends, and how generally she is very attached to me. Which he smiled at, and thought was quite nice. I then went on to say, how sometimes it can get a little too much. He questioned this. So I explained that Maddy sleeps in the same bed as me when she stays, and that I usually wake up with her directly in my face, like nose to nose, or somehow she has managed to get on top of me, and has fell asleep on me. Just to be as close as possible. Innocent comments, right? Well you would think so, but apparently not. The guy gave me a bit of a strange look, and then told me I shouldn't say such things, because you know how people can take things the wrong way, and anyone would think I was grooming her. Like WHAT THE HELL? At first I thought that this obviously must be a joke, that nobody could surely think such things. He was deadly serious though. A few of my friends laughed nervously, and tried to move on. I was completely offended though. I think he could see he had offended me, and he did say he didn't mean anything by it, just sometimes people can get the wrong impression.

I left it at that, and I left soon after. Maybe I am just to easily offended, I don't know. Should I not be able to tell people that I love my niece, and she loves me, and how well we get along? Is that wrong? There are some people who have bad intentions towards children. These people are pure evil. Parents, and everyone should be careful with their children, and who they trust with them, but now it's reached a ridiculous point where even the most innocent of comments can be seen in a negative light. A part of me thinks that is the price we have to pay, and if it means we are more careful, and our children will be safe, then that's the way it is. It is very sad when we have to watch what we say though, even when we have the best of intentions. That we can't even show that we are close with a child, without someone seeing it in the worse possible way. You see I don't think I should even write that 'close with a child', because it can be taken the wrong way. That makes me sad. As a woman I know I get off lightly, men have it far worse.

This reminds me of a story a friend of mine told me a few years ago. He said he went out late one night, he just popped to the shops in his car, it must of been about 10pm. Across the road from the shop is a bus stop, and he pulled up to the shop, and saw a little girl waiting at the bus stop, she was about 11 years old. Out on her own at 10pm. That's wrong. Anyway, he came out of the shop, and she was still there, waiting for the bus. He got in his car, but he just couldn't leave without seeing this little girl was alright. He didn't feel that he could go upto her, and actually ask, because of how people view that, and he didn't want to scare her. So he just sat in his car and waited for the bus to come, and saw that she got on it alright. How sad is it that he had such good intentions, but he felt that he couldn't even ask if she was alright. Sometimes I think we are to street smart for our own goods. I know that we don't live in a fairytale world, I know that there are evil people out there, but there are good people too. There are those that do good things all the time, and mean well. Who would never do harm, and in fact would go out of their way to make sure you are alright. Why don't we think more of these people, and see the good in people. Peter Pan got it right, we should never grow up.

Comments
on Jul 04, 2006
Years ago, I tried to volunteer at a school for the physically and mentally handicapped. It was at a time in my life when I wasn't doing very well and I wanted to do something good and honest for those who could hardly help themselves. The school's principal was the mother of a friend, so I thought I could go in and talk to her and just be around to help out in any way I could. My offer was viewed by the staff with contempt and suspicion, despite my good intentions. I will never forget the looks I got from people who didn't even know me. I walked in niavely thinking I could help out. How wrong I was and how unfortunate for those narrow-minded suspicious people. I'm not saying I could have made a difference, but they never even gave me an opportunity to find out.

Don't ever let the love you have for your neice diminish because of other's opinions, Sally. She will derive so much benefit from it, you can't imagine. My nephews and neices are one of the best things in my life. They are now starting to be the age where they can come stay with Toni and I for the weekend (in fact, one of my sister's boys will be staying with us next weekend - I can hardly wait).
on Jul 04, 2006
I had a childless married couple invite us (we had only two small children at the time) and another couple (with one toddler) over for dinner.

By the end of the night, our childless friends had noticed the toddler had a couple of bruises. (Luckily our kids were blemish-free...)

They instantly reported my one-childed friends to the CPS, without asking for any clarification, no follow-up. Just a knock at the door the next day from the child welfare people. Of course, nothing was shown or proven, and thankfully my friends got to keep their child. (Toddlers frequently run into things, fall down, bang their heads against stuff, etc.)

Some friends, huh?
on Jul 05, 2006
It is a sad testament to the times when adults are afraid to help a child - lest they be accused of pedophilia.  I can understand your friends actions very well.
on Jul 05, 2006
I can understand your friends actions very well.


While I can understand the action, I can't understand why they would go about it that way. Why not talk to the parent then to see what's going on, even if they're not direct with the questions. There are ways to go about things.

Sally, it's sad that life has become like that but it's a reality of these times. I'm sorry to say that it is the way it is now. That gentleman though would be no friend of mine for obvious reasons.
on Jul 05, 2006

While I can understand the action, I can't understand why they would go about it that way. Why not talk to the parent then to see what's going on, even if they're not direct with the questions. There are ways to go about things.

I was talking about the 11 year old girl at 10pm.  It was obvious he did not know the girl, and therefore the parents either.

on Jul 05, 2006
My offer was viewed by the staff with contempt and suspicion, despite my good intentions. I will never forget the looks I got from people who didn't even know me. I walked in niavely thinking I could help out. How wrong I was and how unfortunate for those narrow-minded suspicious people.


See that is just ridiculous, but they suffered really, missing out on extra help and someone who cares. It's so sad things have come to that.

Don't ever let the love you have for your neice diminish because of other's opinions, Sally. She will derive so much benefit from it, you can't imagine. My nephews and neices are one of the best things in my life.


Nothing could ever take away from that Maso. I love her far to much. It's just sad some people can't see it for the genuinely good thing it is.

They instantly reported my one-childed friends to the CPS, without asking for any clarification, no follow-up. Just a knock at the door the next day from the child welfare people. Of course, nothing was shown or proven, and thankfully my friends got to keep their child.


OMG! What stupid people. Did they never think to ask? Or to think maybe that's whathappens to kids from time to time. As you said, with friends like that who needs enemies!

It is a sad testament to the times when adults are afraid to help a child - lest they be accused of pedophilia. I can understand your friends actions very well.


Same here. I think he did the right thing. Sad he even had to think about how to deal with it though.

Sally, it's sad that life has become like that but it's a reality of these times. I'm sorry to say that it is the way it is now. That gentleman though would be no friend of mine for obvious reasons.


It is a very sad situation to think that's the world we live in. At least we know there are many decent people out there.

Thanks for the comments guys xxx
on Jul 05, 2006
Well if you tell the story you told of how fond you are for your niece and how you sleep in the same bed and how she sometimes sleeps on top of you and in your face.

Now if you were a man telling this story, how would people react, especially strangers?


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I also do not see it mentioned how old your niece is. That would be an important factor in how quickly eyebrows are raised. If you are talking about sleeping together and the niece is like 10 or older then even I would be raising an eyebrow.

I was not privy to the conversation, but it is extra-ordinary when you hear about a person going on and on about their niece or nephew. Not saying it is wrong, but parents have the ability to do that with impunity, whereas Aunts or Uncles that do talk on about their Niece or Nephew with the same Fondness and then say how they are sleeping together and on top of eachother to strangers are opening themselves up to situations like the one you describe.

I do not think the man you had the conversation was out-of-line in his return comment. A little on the strong side to say that, but like you said, he was someone that spoke his mind straight out.
on Jul 05, 2006
My niece is two years old, and it really does make me sad that people think my speaking like that about my niece is wrong. I love her so much, and I would never do anything to hurt her. My sister is a single Mum, and I have her every weekend, and I have done since she was a few months on, and we have a very strong bond. Now all I think is that I shouldn't share these things with people, even though they mean so much to me. I do see how it looks, and I get it......it's just bad it looks so negative, when there is nothing but good intentions there.
on Jul 06, 2006
sally, you are correct.

if your neice is two, then the guy was out of line.

[sorry about my typing, just broke hand!]
on Jul 06, 2006

[sorry about my typing, just broke hand!]

Typos are fine!  Take care of the hand!

on Jul 06, 2006
its just what you righties want!
lefties with out thier left hands so we can not properly defend ourselves!

i'm healing
on Jul 06, 2006
if your neice is two, then the guy was out of line.


Thanks

[sorry about my typing, just broke hand!]


No worries hun.....how did you do it? Hope it heals fast!
on Jul 06, 2006

lefties with out thier left hands so we can not properly defend ourselves!

SUCESS!