"Conversation should be pleasant without scurrility, witty without affectation, free without indecency, learned without conceitedness, novel without falsehood."
Published on June 2, 2006 By Sally jacobs In Life Journals
I think one of the main reasons I enjoy blogging so much is because it is a way me to vent all the thoughts and opinions that swim through my head, and allows me to make some kind of sense them, and touch other people in some small way. When I'm writing I don't really struggle for words. They just seem to flow. I sit here and basically just type as I think, and it all flows out quite nicely. I think I manage to mostly get across what I am thinking that is understandable to others. From a young age writing has given me something that I can't get from anywhere else. Not just writing, but the power of words alone. In a debate, I am able to get my opinion across, in a way that I feel I have done myself justice. I may not have changed someones opinion, but I feel that I have given the argument the best that I could, and I rarely walk away thinking that I let myself down. There are times when I am put on the spot, and later on I think of all the things I coud say, but I think that happens to everyone on occasion. In general when I have an opinion, I am able to get it across pretty well.

This is both verbally and written. However, it would appear that I have both strength and weakness in different areas. When I write, I am very good at conveying my emotions. I pour my heart out to my computer screen, or to a piece of paper, and it all flows quite nicely. Verbally I'm not so good at that. In writing when I get passionate about something, or enter into a debate with someone, I find I lose my point alot, or I do walk away unhappy with how I have portrayed myself, or feel my point was misunderstood. This doesn't happen to me verbally though. When I am actually talking to someone I'm a pretty quick thinker and all my opinions just seem to come dribbling out. On paper though, my brain works faster than my hand does, and I end up missing important points, and I have to say at times this really frustrates me. I know that we all have areas where we are stronger. I just don't understand how I can be ok when I am writing about my feelings and things, but when it comes to opinions and so on, which I am equally passionate about, I tend to just lose my way. I'm not sure if this is something I will improve on or not.

With emotions, I am much better at saying how I feel when I've had a chance to sort through them, and actually see them written in front of me. I think maybe it's because I am not very good at sharing my feelings. Now recently I have had two friends come to me with problems and a need for a shoulder to cry on. I am usually pretty good at things like that, and can listen and offer advice....I messed up though on these occasions, because these problems were just to big for me, and I feel pretty bad because of it. The first problem happened a few months ago, when a friend of mines Mum died. I just didn't have the words for her. I wanted to make her feel better, and I couldn't. She is a two years younger than me, and she lost her Mum suddenly at 21, how do you make someone feel better about that? Now history is repeating itself. Another friend of mine come to me the other day and told me their Dad had found out they had cancer. Again, I was at a loss for words. I was just useless. I asked stupid questions. I made stupid comments. Just nothing felt right. Now if I was writing them an email, or a letter, I'd probably be able to find some words that would at least let them know how sorry I am. Life doesn't work like that. So for once I am sat here at a loss for words......

Comments
on Jun 02, 2006
My sister lost her cat, Keisha recently... Though, it (in a way) is not lik losing a mother...it still hurt. I wanted to say something that would help, especiallly since both my nieces were having hard time dealing with it. It sucked.

~L
on Jun 02, 2006
Now if I was writing them an email, or a letter, I'd probably be able to find some words that would at least let them know how sorry I am


Don't be so hard on yourself, Sal. I'm sure your friends realize that you were at a loss for words. What if you drafted those emails to them now and let them now that despite being tongue-tied, you really are there for them and are very sorry for the pain that they are going through. It's never to late to tell someone how much you care about them.

I'm sorry you and your friends are going through such a difficult time.
on Jun 02, 2006
Sometimes words are not necessary.  A hug, a shoulder to cry on work just as well.  I dont think anyone who has not been in the position really has words for those kind of losses.  But we can stand by our friends and show them we are there for them when they need us.
on Jun 02, 2006

I deal with death and families who are trying to come to terms with a terminal illness pretty much every day.  I can tell you with certainty that sometimes words aren't necessary.  A simple hug, a touch, can say more than simple words ever could.

If you can't think of anything to say, or you don't know what to say, tell the person you're interacting with exactly that :  that you don't know what to say.  Tell them that words fail you but that you're there for them if they need you.  Trust me, it's better to do that than to come up with some trite phrase or ridiculously inappropriate comment. 

Never forget the power of human touch.

 

on Jun 02, 2006
Some of the times when words fail us actions are the best way, a hug, a touch on the shoulder. Sending a card with the sentiments you would like to convey. Doing something that would make a difference, mean something to the person.

It's never easy being prepared on what to say to someone who has lost a loved one. But just letting them know you are there if they need you, makes a big difference than saying nothing at all.
on Jun 02, 2006
Just the fact you care enough to blog about it shows a lot about your heart.

And I agree a big hug says a lot.
on Jun 03, 2006
I wanted to say something that would help, especiallly since both my nieces were having hard time dealing with it. It sucked.


It's difficult to find the right words huh.

What if you drafted those emails to them now and let them now that despite being tongue-tied, you really are there for them and are very sorry for the pain that they are going through. It's never to late to tell someone how much you care about them.


Yep I think I might do that, and you're right.

I'm sorry you and your friends are going through such a difficult time.


Thanks.

I can tell you with certainty that sometimes words aren't necessary. A simple hug, a touch, can say more than simple words ever could.


I was there for my friend....I just couldn't find the right words, and I felt terrible because of it. My friend seemed to not notice though....

Tell them that words fail you but that you're there for them if they need you. Trust me, it's better to do that than to come up with some trite phrase or ridiculously inappropriate comment.


Thanks dharma, I wish I'd spoke to you beforehand now!

Never forget the power of human touch.


Yes, a hug can work wonders.

when words fail us actions are the best way, a hug, a touch on the shoulder. Sending a card with the sentiments you would like to convey.


I'm going to write them letter telling them how much I care, and how I am there for them if they need me. I guess that's all I can say really.

Just the fact you care enough to blog about it shows a lot about your heart.


Thanks, that means alot

I dont think anyone who has not been in the position really has words for those kind of losses. But we can stand by our friends and show them we are there for them when they need us.


Yes I agree, I just hate feeling so useless. Problems like this I wish I could just magic them away....

Thanks all for your words of support, they really mean alot x

on Jun 03, 2006
Now you equate your sister losing her cat to the death of someone's MOTHER?


Oh my dear gawd, Lucas. Have you no sense at all?
on Jun 03, 2006
sometimes just being there for the person is enough, you need not say a word.
on Jun 04, 2006
I've found that the best thing to say when presented with awful news like this is..."I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?"After that, just make yourself available to listen, listen, and listen some more.


Thanks LW...and you're right, I just hate that helpless feeling. I'd love to be able to make everything better, and I guess I just have to learn that I can't always just make things good again!

Sorry for the hijack, Sally, but damn, sometimes Lucas is so dense I have to give him a good thump on the noggin just to see if it echos.


Lol...no worries, you made me giggle!

sometimes just being there for the person is enough, you need not say a word.


Thanks Mod...and you are right!
on Jun 04, 2006
Erm, I was going to write something about a friend losing his favourite goldfish, but I'm not so sure now...

Seriously, I think the best advice here is to listen. Often times, all someone needs in moments of grief is a pair of kind, attentive ears.
on Jun 04, 2006
Erm, I was going to write something about a friend losing his favourite goldfish,


I just shot coca-cola out of my nose over that comment!

Priceless, Maso. Absolutely brilliant. LOL LOL LOl
on Jun 04, 2006
...it still hurt. I wanted to say something that would help, especiallly since both my nieces were having hard time dealing with it.


Of course it still hurt Lucas, and sharing something like this is a way to tell Sally how you know how she feels when words fail her. After all Lucas, you didn't exatctly write a long list telling her how much worse off you are then her........

Nuf said I think........

Sally: Lucas said something quite innocent, and if we had a better rating system, maybe one could give him a cookie for trying to show you, with words, he understands you. Whatcha think?
on Jun 04, 2006
I just shot coca-cola out of my nose over that comment!


You know, I know people who usually do Coke the other way...

I'm glad I made you laugh, D. Hearing this puts a smile on my face too.
on Jun 05, 2006
Erm, I was going to write something about a friend losing his favourite goldfish, but I'm not so sure now...


Hehe Maso....

Seriously, I think the best advice here is to listen. Often times, all someone needs in moments of grief is a pair of kind, attentive ears.


Thanks Maso, and you're right. I'm actually a good listener.

Lucas said something quite innocent, and if we had a better rating system, maybe one could give him a cookie for trying to show you, with words, he understands you. Whatcha think?


I appreciated the sentiment, that he didn't know what to say. I think that was the point he was trying to make, and that I understood.