I think one of the main reasons I enjoy blogging so much is because it is a way me to vent all the thoughts and opinions that swim through my head, and allows me to make some kind of sense them, and touch other people in some small way. When I'm writing I don't really struggle for words. They just seem to flow. I sit here and basically just type as I think, and it all flows out quite nicely. I think I manage to mostly get across what I am thinking that is understandable to others. From a young age writing has given me something that I can't get from anywhere else. Not just writing, but the power of words alone. In a debate, I am able to get my opinion across, in a way that I feel I have done myself justice. I may not have changed someones opinion, but I feel that I have given the argument the best that I could, and I rarely walk away thinking that I let myself down. There are times when I am put on the spot, and later on I think of all the things I coud say, but I think that happens to everyone on occasion. In general when I have an opinion, I am able to get it across pretty well.
This is both verbally and written. However, it would appear that I have both strength and weakness in different areas. When I write, I am very good at conveying my emotions. I pour my heart out to my computer screen, or to a piece of paper, and it all flows quite nicely. Verbally I'm not so good at that. In writing when I get passionate about something, or enter into a debate with someone, I find I lose my point alot, or I do walk away unhappy with how I have portrayed myself, or feel my point was misunderstood. This doesn't happen to me verbally though. When I am actually talking to someone I'm a pretty quick thinker and all my opinions just seem to come dribbling out. On paper though, my brain works faster than my hand does, and I end up missing important points, and I have to say at times this really frustrates me. I know that we all have areas where we are stronger. I just don't understand how I can be ok when I am writing about my feelings and things, but when it comes to opinions and so on, which I am equally passionate about, I tend to just lose my way. I'm not sure if this is something I will improve on or not.
With emotions, I am much better at saying how I feel when I've had a chance to sort through them, and actually see them written in front of me. I think maybe it's because I am not very good at sharing my feelings. Now recently I have had two friends come to me with problems and a need for a shoulder to cry on. I am usually pretty good at things like that, and can listen and offer advice....I messed up though on these occasions, because these problems were just to big for me, and I feel pretty bad because of it. The first problem happened a few months ago, when a friend of mines Mum died. I just didn't have the words for her. I wanted to make her feel better, and I couldn't. She is a two years younger than me, and she lost her Mum suddenly at 21, how do you make someone feel better about that? Now history is repeating itself. Another friend of mine come to me the other day and told me their Dad had found out they had cancer. Again, I was at a loss for words. I was just useless. I asked stupid questions. I made stupid comments. Just nothing felt right. Now if I was writing them an email, or a letter, I'd probably be able to find some words that would at least let them know how sorry I am. Life doesn't work like that. So for once I am sat here at a loss for words......