"Conversation should be pleasant without scurrility, witty without affectation, free without indecency, learned without conceitedness, novel without falsehood."
Published on May 24, 2006 By Sally jacobs In Misc
I am a typical Brit. My heart is always with the underdog. I can't even really explain why. I like it that you can expect the unexpected from people. That someone works so hard for something, they pour their heart and soul into it, and they get there in the end. I have so much respect for that. I believe that have people put their mind to something, no matter how far out of their reach it is they can achieve it. Hard work and dedication can get you a long way. I am only young, and I haven't really decided what kind of career that I would like to get into, maybe writing, but whatever I decide to do it in, it will be something that I dedicate myself too. I will work hard and I will achieve it. What got me thinking of this, is, I have a group of friends. We all get on pretty well. However, there is one person that really annoys everyone else. Somehow they have managed to alienate themselves from everyone. They haven't even really done anything to irritate anyone. They are just a genuinely annoying person. They constantly need to be the centre of attention. They create complete drama out of nothing. They are extremely demanding. So I can understand how people would get annoyed with them. However, slowly but surely my group of friends have turned on this person. Until it reached a situation where everyone just turned on this one person. Even though their behaviour was fully deserved. I couldn't stand it. Because to me it just looks like bullying and my heart went out to that person. So of course I had to say something, leaving myself less than popular with the rest of the people in our group. Now I know that they aren't really the underdog, but they were out in the cold on their own. I felt for them.

These situations arise constantly, on blog sites, and in work places, and at school, and wherever. Things can turn into a bit of a witch hunt. Things like that really don't sit right with me. I don't mind if people have a problem with someone, and they tell them. It's when it turns into loads of people, against just one person. I know that nine times out of ten it is only what this person deserves. It almost leaves me annoyed with myself that I do feel sorry for them, but I just can't help it. No matter what situation you are in, not everyone is going to get on. When I was at school, I was lucky, because I was pretty popular. People liked me, and I was never bullied or anything like that. I did see it happen though. To me bullying is the weakest behaviour anyone can ever be capable of. To bully someone, to make their life hell, and to do it for some kind of personal gratification is nothing short of completely pathetic. I've seen it happen, and I have never being able to keep my mouth shut. The only fight I was ever in at school was over this. It was with my best friend too (she still is). We was sat in a Science lesson, and there was taps. The teacher had left the room, and everyone proceeded to start throwing water at each other, which was fine. There was this group of girls though, who were really quiet, and shy, and didn't really get involved in any of this. Fair enough. My friend started throwing water at them. None of the girls said anything, but you could see they looked uncomfortable, and wanted her to stop. She just continued to do it. Now really it was upto them to say, stop it. They didn't though. So I told her too. She carried on though, and I got more and more annoyed about it. Until an argument started between us, and some girly hair pulling ensued (we was only 14).

When this argument started with my friend, it reminded me of that situation. People have a right to be annoyed, they have a right to voice that. When it becomes a huge issue for everyone, and they are finding it impossible to get over, then I think something is wrong. Part of me wanted to make things better for this person. To tell my friends to calm down. Then there is another part of me that thinks, well why should they if they are annoyed? This person hasn't helped themselves. I've watched as they have been backed into a corner, and they have had nowhere to go, and out of pure frustration they have lashed out, making the situation even worse. Now obviously for that situation the simple answer is, just some space from each other. What about if it was someone you worked with though, or you was forced to see all the time? Then it would be even more irritating. Now I'm not perfect. There are people who annoy me. Who irriatate the hell out of me in fact. I can tell them though. I just don't like to see people become an underdog, and in a situation where there seems to be no way out, and everyone hates them. Most situations aren't that serious. Maybe I am just to soft.

Comments
on May 24, 2006
I know that nine times out of ten it is only what this person deserves. It almost leaves me annoyed with myself that I do feel sorry for them, but I just can't help it. No matter what situation you are in, not everyone is going to get on.

Definitely true, though I do see your point.

Because to me it just looks like bullying and my heart went out to that person.

Unfortunately, I think that a lot of people intend to be helpful, end up getting fed up and then turn on the person in frustration. It's at that time where they start to look like the bully and I'm sure they're completely unaware of it. If the person's actions are that annoying, why bother to respond? I think that everyone wants to be heard and feel free to voice their opinion, but sometimes you gotta know when just to shut up.

Excellent article. I don't think you're too soft at all.
on May 25, 2006
Hmm, interesting article, Sally.

I don't like bullying either but unlike you, was the subject of some fairly serious bullying in high school. I was short and skinny, highly emotional and very shy, so I was a pretty easy target for the neanderthals in my year.

Sometimes, particularly in a circle of friends, it can be hard if one person is being a pain in the bum. I admire you for standing up for your friend but is it really doing you any favours or is it going to change your friend's behaviour? These are the questions I would be asking myself.

Us softies have to stick together, you know
on May 25, 2006
some time back, howard stern had a woman making regular appearances on his tv show who felt she WAS underdog.

while i'll admit to snickering, i really did feel for her.
on May 25, 2006
I think that a lot of people intend to be helpful, end up getting fed up and then turn on the person in frustration. It's at that time where they start to look like the bully and I'm sure they're completely unaware of it.


Yes I agree, people don't do it intentionally. They just get so annoyed and so frustrated that they feel they have a right to treat a person in a certain way. When you are on the outside looking in it is much easier to be objective and to see what is really happening. I don't think these people are bad at all, it is perfectly natural behaviour, I just hate to see a situation where it starts to look like bullying.

Excellent article. I don't think you're too soft at all.


Thanks! Much appreciated

don't like bullying either but unlike you, was the subject of some fairly serious bullying in high school. I was short and skinny, highly emotional and very shy, so I was a pretty easy target for the neanderthals in my year.


I'm sorry to hear that Maso. I do realise I was very lucky to escape bullying, as it seems almost everyone has a story to tell. Kids are cruel. They don't hold back, they spot a weakness and won't leave it alone. I guess it is much more difficult for boys too. They feel they have to prove they are men Grr!

I admire you for standing up for your friend but is it really doing you any favours or is it going to change your friend's behaviour?


No it won't change my friends behaviour, they are still a pain, and I doubt that it really helped me. However, I couldn't live with myself if I just stood back and watched and didn't say anything. I didn't defend their behaviou, I admitted that was wrong, I just questioned the way my friends dealt with it. That's what I had a problem with. My big mouth gets me in trouble sometimes....

some time back, howard stern had a woman making regular appearances on his tv show who felt she WAS underdog. while i'll admit to snickering, i really did feel for her.


Hehe...I do find somethings like that amusing, but I guess I'm just a little soft!

Thanks for the comments x
on May 25, 2006
Sally,

I'm sorry to hear that Maso.


It was so long ago now, I hardly remember the gory details. If I hadn't suffered through this bullying and then learn to deal with it, I wouldn't be the person I am today. What didn't kill me made me stronger, I guess.

I just questioned the way my friends dealt with it. That's what I had a problem with.


And good on you for doing so. It is what a true friend would do, even for someone who is being a pain in the bum.
on May 26, 2006
If I hadn't suffered through this bullying and then learn to deal with it, I wouldn't be the person I am today. What didn't kill me made me stronger, I guess.


And what a great person it's made you

And good on you for doing so. It is what a true friend would do, even for someone who is being a pain in the bum.


Thanks....I blame my big mouth, hehe!
on May 28, 2006
I think we all root for the underdog, but that is not the same as the bullied.  Glad you stood up to your friend.  My School was similar to Dyna's except I was not skinny!  But by my Junior/Senior year I had gotten out of it by getting involved and working.  I especially loved where I worked.  There were 4 of us (all the same grade - so our boss had a lot of hiring to do after our senior year), and while we were as different as night and day at school, outside of school, no thicker thieves could you find!
on May 29, 2006
think we all root for the underdog, but that is not the same as the bullied. Glad you stood up to your friend.


Yes I kind of got over excited with the bullying topic..just because it wound me up!

But by my Junior/Senior year I had gotten out of it by getting involved and working. I especially loved where I worked. There were 4 of us (all the same grade - so our boss had a lot of hiring to do after our senior year), and while we were as different as night and day at school, outside of school, no thicker thieves could you find!


It's good to have a few close friends, who you get on really well with. That's what I have now, just a few people who I consider really good friends.

Thanks for sharing x