Be nice to your siblings; they are your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. - Everybody's Free (to wear sunscreen) Baz Lurhman
I was brought up to believe that family came first. No matter what. Your family come first. This is true, your family will be there, always. Basically, because they don't have a choice. There will be friends, that you gorw so close to that they also become like family. There is nothing like blood though, to demand loyalty at the most inconvenient of times, and you have to give it, because that's what families do. So in my life, my friends have always come second to my family, and for me that has worked. I have close friends, who I love, but my family come first. They are there for me and I am there for them. My Mum has a strange relationship with her sisters. She cares about them greatly, as you do. She is the eldest, and when she talks about them, they are still her baby sisters, even though they are all over the age of 40. They drifted over the years though. My Aunties remained quite close to each other, they moved to a similar area, and they have the same interests, and they have alot in common. My Mum went her own way, had a family young, and she concentrated on her family, as the years have gone on, they aren't close at all anymore. My Mum is often left out of family events, that they end up just going to. This really upsets my Mum, even though she acts like it doesn't really bother her I can see that it does. It has left me feeling more than a little contempt for them.
I decided many years ago that I didn't want a relationship like that with my two sisters. I wanted to remain close to them and be a part of each others lives, as we grow grey and old. Not such a difficult plan, right? Ha! Sibling relationships are not easy. You know each other all your lives, you know all the embarassing stories, what makes each other tick. You know your family secrets, arguments your parents had, first boyfriends that make you cry, all kinds of things. Believe me, my sisters and I have had are moments. There was times that we have wanted to kill each other. One thing that my sisters are though, is fiercely loyal. If I have ever needed them, they would be there for me, without question. We all have issues with each other, but who doesn't after spending the good part of 22 years together? Now as times gone on, history has repeated itself slightly. My eldest sister went her own way, and as time went on she had less and less in common with me and my middle sister. Until it reached the point where we were leaving her out of things, and she was just left to her own devices. Now I know that isn't really fair, but my eldest sister is extremely complicated, and sometimes she makes it very difficult to love her, though you can never stop. The loyalty never stops, if she needs us we are there for her, and we do try and help her, though she doesn't make it easy.
So that leaves me and my middle sister. A few years ago I would of described her as my best friend, we got on really well. We still do. There is a shift though. My sister had a baby, and had her fella, and she has a little family of her own. That isn't the change though. I feel me and her drifting apart. We butt heads alot more than we used to. I think it started on a holiday that we had a few years ago. We both went away, my niece was extremely young at the time. Two sisters in an enclosed space for two weeks isn't a great idea. We mixed our friends together, which wasn't a good idea, as we are very different, which lead to tension, and it boiled over into an argument between us, where some things were said, that maybe shouldn't of been. We both threw things in the mix that I think have stayed with us. Since that holiday I have backed off her slightly. I haven't spent as much time with her, and as a result the only time we really communicate now is when she wants me to look after my niece (which is most weekends). Now my niece I adore completely. She is the apple of my eye. However it is starting to bite a little bit that it seems my sister doesn't actually want to spend time with me, she just wants me to look after her daughter. I have to say it's starting to get to me, and as a result I'm starting to dislike her. Which will mean I make even less effort to see her, and I don't really know where that will leave us.
Are we doomed to end up like my Mum and her sisters did? That is something I really don't want to happen, but does that mean I should be around people I am starting to dislike just for the sake of family? Will it be that we all end up getting married and having children, and we only really see each other on birthdays and at Christmas? I don't want that to be the case, as I said, my family is important to me. Maybe my concentration will just be pulled in a different direction, to the family I haven't even started yet. That thought makes me really sad though. Maybe this is just a bump in the road. I am writing this blog, basically because my middle sister and I had a bit of a run in tonight. She is stressed at the moment, she has exams at college, and my little niece is playing up big time at the moment. It was my Mums birthday today, and my sister came to visit, and made it clear from the start she just didn't want to be there. My reaction to that was, well if you don't want to be here, don't bother coming. I'd rather her not be there if she's just going to have a face like a slapped arse. Which caused a few problems I can tell you. So maybe this feeling I am having is just a reaction from that argument, and as siblings do, it will be another bump in the road we get over. I hope so. I love both my sisters. I want us to be a part of each others lives for many years to come. Having said that, I don't want to push an issue, if it will just lead to arguments, and us disagreeing. Some things just aren't worth it. I guess time will tell.